To stop men from battering, it is essential to understand why they do it, and the explanations of professionals differ widely from those of the men themselves. The following list of reasons was compiled by the Virginia Peninsula Council on Domestic Violence, a copy given to me by Judge Allbritton of Clearwater, Florida's, Family Court. Although we have discussed many of these points in previous chapters, because the list incorporates the understanding of most people who work in the field, I am including it here as a contrast to the reasons batterers themselves give.
The Batterer: Why Does He Batter?
1 Exaggerated need to control/dominate. Defines manhood in terms of dominance and control over others, especially females.
2 Violence is an accepted part of male upbringing in our society-and most others.
3 Learned response to stress
4 Extreme emotional dependence upon victim. Relationship addiction.
5 His violence gets results-if only temporarily.
6 The violence "feels good"-if only temporarily
7 Lack of conflict negotiation skills. Lack of cooperative decisions-making skills.
8 Espresses anger as aggression. Expresses most emotions such as hurt feelings or sadness, as anger.
9 Accepts abuse as normal due to childhood experiences.
10 Does not see himself as responsible for his own behavior. Feels other people or events provoke him and are therefore responsible. Feels the abuse is justifiable. Blames the victim. Externalization.
11 Objectifies women-it's OK to hit an object
12 Views relationships in terms of hierarchy of power. Sees women as "second-class citizens." Believes in a decidedly patriarchal social and personal structure. Quotes the Bible to substantiate his belief that women should be submissive to men.
13 Self-pity and self-deception. Denies the abuse. If he acknowledges the abuse, he denies the pain that results from the abuse.
14 Poor impulse control/poor anger control
15 Pathological jealousy
16 Low self-esteem