Hi Damaged.
You are suffering from yo-yo-itis. I'd know those symptoms anywhere.
But you've taken a significant stride toward getting loose from the string. You're coming to terms with the fact that you can't fix him. And where you are now is a natural place to be when that realization hits. "Do I want this?" You, of course, are the only one who can answer that question. You're the only one who knows if the perks are worth the price. Just know that finding yourself in this quandry means you are making progress in your own recovery. The decisions have started to be about YOU. And that's good.
Hugs,
Smoke