****{Marissa}}}
I know your pain and I know all about driving through the worst areas looking.
My lowest moment, maybe my bottom, was a few years ago when I drove to the city my son lived in, over an hour away, knowing what crackhouse he was at (his sponsor accidently gave it away when he called me concerned - he didn't know that I would KNOW where it was.
Anyway, this middle-aged woman (me) who usally looks and acts like a lady, went to the door and when they kept telling me he wasn't there and shut the door on me twice, I threatened to kick the door down if he didn't come out. Stupid! Dangerous! and very very codependent. I have never behaved like that in my life and couldn't kick down a milk carton. But he came out, and I spent the rest of the night on his couch, and woke up in the morning just shaking my head at my stupidity. And as soon as I left, he went back out.
My point is that codependency makes US do crazy things, and it makes us do stupid and dangerous things all in the name of saving the addict. Until we hit a bottom, like I did, and say "enough".
I am sooo sorry for grandma and the loss of her car. She should report it stolen, because it was. Insurance probably won't covr her unless she does.
The nightmare ends when we say "enough". When we hurt so bad that we don't even feel the pain anymore. When we look in the mirror and see a pathetic sad stranger staring back. And we get on our knees and surrender any thought of having the power to control them.
The hardest part of recovery is just starting. One baby step at a time. There are no rigid rules, no time frame, no one-answer-fits-all. It is personal, it takes work, and sometimes it is hard....but one day we wake up and where there has been darkness, we see a glimmer of light, and we know that we have made it.
Let go of the chaos, the drama and the fear. Just say "enough" and give yourself a hug for surviving this far. And at that point, you will already be well on your way to a better life - I promise.
Sending hugs and prayers, and if I could I would send ice-cream.