Check out this thread, you might find it useful...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Here are some of the things in your post that cause me to think you might find the thread useful...
"...when I do drink there are times I blackout..."
"...Alcohol seems to affect me so differently than most people..."
"...I put so much guilt on myself the next day..."
"...I don't know what I have said or done..."
The differences that make us susceptible to alcoholism start long before most obvious indicators appear in our lives. In fact, the typical indicators merely tell us how far along our disease has progressed before we've diagnosed it and accepted it for what it is.
If you are susceptible to this disease, (and I think you are), then you are very fortunate if you can come to terms with it BEFORE it starts to ruin your life. I wish I had accepted the fact that my alcohol use was abnormal when I was still at the "occassional blackout" stage.
For a long while there I too was only drinking on "social occassions". What I didn't realize what that I was seeking out social occassions in ORDER to drink. It was unheard of for me to have a social occassion WITHOUT drinking -- it was 'way too boring so I'd find a social setting that DID include alcohol.
You might want to ask yourself whether you may be doing the same thing? Try some social settings which don't include alcohol and see if you still enjoy them as much.
And please read that thread. You might find it illuminating.
You are not alone, Brandi, and we all care.