i think if im in a state of dis-ease about my situation i need to up my recovery. i had started a new job and dating someone recently and noticed my meetings go down due to these new committments. i however began to slip into unhealthy behaviour without even realising it.
i dont think i seek abandonment but i am drawn to the familiar, thats human nature and i believe if we feel a similarity to another we can love them more than if we are indifferent to them. sometimes....i seek too much from relationships. my best friend was explaining how its not usually this big psychic connection....what! what a rip off!! but its true. and for me, i knew that by wanting committment and feeling quite jealous of other guys my date was seeing as we were "dating" i got confused and panicked, partly i think that was a fear of not being good enough and that if not good enough, he will leave me and i will die. thats why recovery is so important!!! i will not die, i will get to a meeting, review a step, call my sponsor or a trusted friend, i will pray on it, journal out my excess of obsessive thoughts. its not a good idea for me to just sit around and pretend im not getting antsy. also i think that i need to learn how to experience anxiety, sadness, anger, passion etc any stong emotion and remember that its a human emotion and not a sign that im going insane.