we tend to recreate the relationships we grew up with and feel most comfortable with what's familiar, however dysfunctional that is. So ACOAs do tend to be attracted to people who aren't going to give them a committed, open, mature relationship. Women especially tend to end up with men who are emotionally unavailable, probably because that's what our dads were like. I know my dad was completely withdrawn from us and basically ignored me, and all my relationships with men have turned out to be with men who didn't connect emotionally for whatever reason - workaholics, alcoholics, clinically depressed, whatever.
It's ok to have baggage, and it's ok to need space, but you shouldn't be looking for an intense, committed, dependable relationship from someone like that. That's what we call shopping for bread at the hardware store - it's not there and you're looking in the wrong place. Nothing wrong with wanting bread, and nothing wrong with being a hardware store, just the two do not go together!
FWIW, amazing intensity at the very beginning of a relationship is probably not a good sign. Real emotional connection takes time to develop. There was an article in National Geographic not too long ago about the hormones that cause us to feel the emotion of love, and apparently those hormones wear out after just a few months. A real relationship has to be built on something other than immediate attraction. And with ACOAs, that immedate attraction all too often is just an alcoholic's radar picking out someone who's a codependent, and vice versa ... been there done that over and over! I don't know how they do it.
Don't be so terrified of him leaving you! you did fine without him before you met him, you'll do fine without him after wards too. As for feeling out of control, well, you are out of control over him. You never can control another person, never, and every relationship can end at any time over anything. One or the other of you could grow out of the relationship, or one of you could die. Life happens, and not how we want it to. Part of recovering from codependency is getting comfortable with being out of control. If he needs so much space that he leaves you, what have you lost? nothing. His leaving would have been inevitable. Better sooner rather than later.
At any rate it's only been five days with no contact from him when you posted this. 5 days is nothing. Don't be waiting by the phone for him. If you keep busy with your own stuff, the time will pass much faster and happier. Thing is, you don't need him. You got by without him before and you can again. Maybe things will work out for you two together but life won't end if they don't. There's what, 3 billion men in the world?? last I heard. Not that I've found one I like out of that bunch, but I'd much rather not be in a relationship than in one that's stressing me.