I can completely understand you're fear of making yourself vulnerable. The great thing about AlAnon is that you never have to speak if you don't want to. Which means you can sit and listen as everyone else talks about their own issues until such time as you feel comfortable talking about it.
I come to this board not so much to make myself a better person, no board can do that, only I can do that. I come to this board because there are people here who understand all too well where I'm coming from. I come here for "refresher courses" when I feel myself getting sucked back into places I don't want to go. Much of the time, I come here and simply read.
I read to remind myself of what I have left to work on. I read to remind myself of what I have already worked on, but maybe isn't in the fore of my mind right then. I read when I feel like there is no way anyone could understand what I'm feeling.
And after reading, I am reminded again that I am not the only one who feels this way. I am not insane, I am not emotionally unstable and I am not a freak. I come here to listen more than to talk. I come here to feel as though I fit in.
Sometimes just knowing that you're surrounded by people who really can understand where you are mentally can remove a tremendous amount of stress. You don't always have to talk. I would even go so far as to say that often listening gets one further than talking does. So I listen. And when I feel I might be able to help, I talk.
Perhaps you could look at your first meeting as something like reading the jacket on a book - you're just interested in a taste of what's inside, not in knowing the entire plot line. If you go, and you listen, and you decide it's not for you, then you have nothing lost. You don't have to speak to a single person if you want.
Or you may find that it comforts you to listen to others, and you want to continue to attend, but still don't want to talk, and that's okay too.
Or you may find that once you feel like you're amongst those who really can understand, the floodgates open and you're ready to grab a shovel and start digging your way out.
There's no way to know unless you take that chance on yourself. Remember, it isn't a competition, you don't have anything to prove, and no one expects you to prove anything.
If you don't like it, you can continue down your own path. There is a saying "Take what you need, leave the rest". We all take different paths, there is no magic bullet or easy solution. What works for some won't work for all.
I hope you find something that works for you, whether you attend a meeting or not. I viewed attending a meeting as being similar to trying out each tool in the toolbox. I tried the tool, it didn't work for me, I kept trying different tools. This board is one of my tools. But if you don't try the tool out, you'll never know whether it will work for you or not.
Recovery is not a science, it is an emotional journey down a road thick with fog and eerie yellow eyes staring out at you. It can be frightening, liberating, empowering, terrorizing, angering, frustrating, loving and many more things, sometimes all at once.
I do hope you can find the courage to at least see if AlAnon is a good tool for you. It's always good to have as many tools as you can fit in your toolbox.
Ginger