Lucy1981

Hi everyone,

Is it true that ACOA's often feel a sick need for abandonment and will seek this out in their relationships?? I find this idea terrifying and wonder if it applies to me.

I've been seeing my current boyf for a few months... the first couple of which were amazing and intense, and i felt really close to him. Though the last month he has been distant and withdrawn. A week ago he told me he wanted to have some space and didn't know if he should be in a relationship.

So I was really understanding and agreed to give him space and this seemed to make him more affectionate towards me for a couple of days.

Now he's gone away for a bit and I know I agreed to not ring him and was not expecting him to call me, but it has been 5 days incl. xmas day with only a couple of texts.

He has a lot of emotional baggage and has admitted from the beginning he has some small mental health problems and would go a bit wierd sometimes and need space. I thought we were doing well though and that we could relate to each other and support each other (without becoming co-dependant)

Now I am terrified that he is going to leave me and feel totally out of control. Reading about the need for abandonment scares the hell out of me, is this the reason I was so attracted to him?

Another worrying thing is that I've spent the whole of the christmas shut off from everyone, feeling really depressed, drinking a lot & now all I want to do is go home and lie in bed with a bottle of something and knock myself out. I've done this sort of thing occasionally in the past and this behaviour seems to be increasing lately.

Thanks for listening.

Lucy xx