1_day,
I think I know what you are saying but correct me if I am wrong. Ward (my H) IS clueless...but as I have changed in recovery he has adjusted in response. And sometimes I do have to spell out what to me is obvious. How he takes it belongs to him as long as I have been clear and calm.
Taking responsibilty for myself left him swinging in the breeze...he took notice. Trust me, I said all there was to say over the years and never got anywhere. I believed that if I didn't voice my objection he would see it as approval...not so. All I was doing was beating my head against a wall. It took change to create change.
Hugs,
JT