Well I am so sorry to hear about your daughter and I wish her all the best in her continued recovery from cancer and I wish peace for you and the rest of your family. What your husband is doing especially in light of the circumstances would **** me off too. Can you set up a separate bank account he can't access, for starters? A savings for yourself or something? The Melody Beattie books are great- I've only read Codependent No More (which I go back to often) and am in the process of reading Beyond Codependency now. Those books are a great place to start.
Others will be along to offer better advice than I can. But welcome, and I'm glad you're here.