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Old 12-19-2006, 08:14 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
deax
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Bronx, NY
Posts: 412
Originally Posted by findmyself View Post
He will never get sober and I will never get my head on straight. What a waste of time, love and life.
findmyself- he may never get sober, but you can "get your head on straight"! You don't even have to feel sorry for him, I have trouble buying the disease concept too. But you can take some steps to make yourself feel more peaceful and happy, whether you stay or go. Don't take the self-defeating mindset that you're being punished- you can find ways of improving your own situation through detachment and setting boundaries. And if you do decide to leave one day, it is only my opinion, but God doesn't frown on people who do the right thing for themselves, I think it's what He wants for all of us- to make good choices and make the best of the life He gave us. I believe God will help us out-- but we need to do some of the work, too. Take that first step.

I would never tell anyone they're not entitled to their rage until I walked a mile in their shoes. I don't feel rage and anger towards my ex-- but I never married him, lived with him, had kids with him, depended on him financially, none of that. If I did, I might feel much differently. Sometimes I wish I had more anger than I do, in fact! But the point is, your rage is having an effect on YOU and the quality of your OWN life, your own happiness, and for that reason alone you need to discover some new ways of dealing. You can't control or change him but you can manage your own reactions and your oen life. Have you tried Al Anon? Or reading any recovery-related books? I know it sounds corny but you don't have to feel so helpless or see yourself as a victim, there are things you can do while you sort things out.

Hope you don't take any offense... I see you're new here (unless it's a new name?), I hope you stick around, this place has helped me immensely to develop a healthier perspective, and it's still evolving, it's all a process... hugs to you.
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