God, janit your so right. If I make dinner i'm accused of trying to keep him home and making him feel guilty. If I don't cook dinner, I'm a lazy B***h, who doesn't care about him and how hard he works. If I buy a new ipod for my daughter, i'm a money hungry witch that just spends HIS money and uses him, but when he wants a new hunting bow for $1800.00 its him feeding his family. He can spend days away from home sitting in a bar and "not have time to do anything around the house cause he works long hours" But I (I work 40+ hours a week) should have more than enough time to wash HIS laundry. He hunts 20+ hours a week, but has no time to spend with his family, But If I go out with friends on a Friday night(and not make dinner) I an less than human. This is CRAZY. Its not reality. AND I STAY GOD, I STAY. And as you say, my crime? I loved someone. I promised to love,honor and stay in SICKNESS and in health. You know what? Its in sickness and in sickness. I am being punished for doing what I said I would do. I can not win, no matter what I do. I am damned if I do and Damned if I don't. And if and when I do leave....... It will haunt, and dog me for the rest of my life because I will never be able to come to grips with all this. I will always harbor resentment and anger for all of this. I would not be human if I didn't. And you know what would put me over the edge? Him getting sober and wanting me to understand his poor miserable little life. Him wanting me to forgive him. I'm really not worried about this happening so, guess I'll calm down a little here. He will never get sober and I will never get my head on straight. What a waste of time, love and life.