janitw....i know, i know....(((sigh))).... reading your post just breaks my heart. there's days i just shake my fist at god. and days that i just don't understand. and i feel like a four year old, saying....but, but, but, I DON'T UNDERSTAND....WHY....HOW COME....WHY FOR.....I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.
for me, feeling this way for years just about destroyed me....i just knew i had to do something else, or i would poof.
the anger is always there.....just like the alcoholism....waiting, patiently, for it's opportunity to take over again in my life. it lies in wait, with me as it's only barrier between my sanity, and it's chance to bloom to full life again.
it's a constant struggle....that, along with the heartache. but i've got to get in a different place in my mind, or i'll be just as bad off as the alcoholic....bitter, resentful, mean, broken.
it all just basically, sucks.
some days are really good, some are just days, and some days are just in the chit bucket.
love to you janitw
jeri