Why did I stay ? For the very reason that Jeri stated....22 years and then in the end the disease won. The hooch won, the bottle won, his disease won. I thought he was strong enough to fight - for us. I begged him to fight - for us. And he turned his back on me and his children and life as he knew it. He drank away everything that was anything. And it has been 1 and a half years since he left and am I ok? No way. Not even close. I never will be. I could never be what I was before he did what he did. He has changed my soul forever. No amount of prayer, no amount of money, no amount of anything will make it right. Time and only time will help heal me. And to what extent? Only time will tell that. I pray and I don't want anyone here to think that I don't believe in God because I do - it's just that right now I have so much anger that I can't even pray. One day I will though....with all the damage that they cause I dont have much sympathy for them. Alot of you do but I dont. Not yet. I cant. How can I when they dont give a dam how much they destroy and maim and scar....and when they finally do? What are we supposed to do? Say there, there, its okay? I have no more cheeks to turn folks...then when we dont forgive them now it's our fault again because now its on us and is OUR problem???? C-mon you guys - get real here...this whole situation is insidious and thats all there is to it. How did our lives ever get to this degree??? Our only crime is that we loved someone...and helping our loved ones now makes us co-dependent?? Yup - I guess I'm guilty that for sure.