newblue82

Hi, new member! I'm relatively new myself, just joined a week ago and I've already got at least 20 threads! It's hard not to talk, not listen, not to write in these forums. I suppose you just really never know how much you've got on your heart until you have the opportunity to let it all out. Anyway enough of that. . .LOL.

As for your situation, BRAVO for keeping yourself and your family away from your abusive AH. It IS the right thing to do and I know the guilt is killing you because he's your father but you have a responsibility to yourself and your children to maintain a healthy, happy, stable home for them. No it's not easy; it's not easy for any of us to walk away from our AH or AD but by staying we weren't just losing the fight, we were losing ourselves.

The AD in my life was my EXGF. She's a coke user and yes she did some terrible things to me while she used and yes everytime she would come off her high she too would act as if nothing had happened. She would have all these sweet, positive things to say and then she would use again and rip my world apart. I had to learn to separate fantasy from reality. I couldn't continue forgiving her and giving her countless chances. I couldn't continue getting my hopes up and pleading with her to change. I had to save myself and get out fast!

It's an everyday struggle because I still love her and am concerned for her and although I know you have a great understanding of what your father is and perhaps some resentment for what he's become your love for him will never really die. I even think there's a small glimmer of hope in you that he'll get treatment and sober up. It's all so very human what your feeling. Keep up the good work. Don't give in to your guilt or him. He has to make a serious change before he's earned his way back into your life and you're entitled to have your expectations met especially if they're expectations you yourself are capable of achieving.