mornin kentq
whew...well....i sure wish there were a short cut through the process of healing. but there isn't. i understand your feelings so very well....the loss, the anger, futility, hoplessness, fear. you just have to push through it to the other side. usually a period of restlessness, questioning, and misery during this process of acceptance, is followed by a tremendous growth spurt in our journey of healing.
it isn't easy, it hurts like hell.....and i'm so sorry you are yet another human dealing with the effects of alcoholism. it's a cruel, cruel disease.
during my moments of struggles with acceptance of xah choices, i can become so angry......questioning the label of "disease", feeling the devastation of my marriage.....my love, my hopes, my dreams....feeling the loss of the level of intimacy that we had achieved together....it just all plain hurts, kentq.
it's not fair, nothing makes sense about any of it except one thing.....it is what it is....and we cannot change it. all we can do is get glad in the same pants we got mad in, and push through to the other side.
it pisses me off so badly that now i am faced with living without my partner....i miss the good times, i miss who he used to be, i miss feeling loved. and it's been many years since he was able to show me love in everyday gestures, with kindnesses, secret little gestures between us, i miss the feeling of being emotionally safe with the one i love.
our souls literally starve for the affection, but our partners have become people that we do not recognize. so we must provide these things for ourselves, probably for the first time in many of our lives....we have to learn to love ourselves.
it will be ok, kentq. just push through this day, and hold on. it gets better.
love to you
jeri