Hello cali wife. Welcome.
I'm pretty new to this forum myself but I also have a husband with a drinking problem and so far I've learnt 2 things from posting and reading here. The first is that nothing I can do or say will change his drinking, only he can do that if/when he decides. The second is that it's important to have some support for my own sanity. I went to my first alanon meeting the other night and I feel that it will be a lot of help for me. I am now beginning to understand how we as partners get caught up in it all without actually realising. I think alanon will help me disentangle a little.
Would you consider trying Alanon? I found that, even with the very best of intentions, friends and family usually don't understand the problem and sometimes end up making you feel like you're over-reacting. You need support from people that understand.