hi hadit,
detachment was a very difficult concept for me to grasp. i either thought it was cutting them off at the knees, or shunning them in the beginning of my recovery.
one time, i made xah leave and rented him an apt. for one month. he didn't have food, gas money, etc. he would call and lay on the guilt. i would fix him plates of food and take to him. my al-anon family group was telling me to detach, detach, detach. i didn't know how. didn't know what it was.
i needed examples.....my abstract thinking was nearly gone after living with effects of alcoholism for so long.
so they gave me some examples based on their experiences.....a light bulb went off.....i thought i got it.....so i bought him crappy food and took to him. things i knew he hated, things i knew he would have to struggle to cook.
things i knew would punish him.
i didn't realize it at the time, tho. when i proudly shared this at my meeting, boy, was i ever in for a wake-up call.....they gently explained detachment, yet again......and after quite awhile, i finally got it.
point is.....al-anon, or any other recovery program is going to be essential in the quality of you and your childrens life.
the help is there,,,,please consider accepting that help.
it saved my life.
blessings
jeri