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Old 10-17-2006, 03:57 AM   #6 (permalink)
Arura
Trying to do the right thing.
 
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: London
Posts: 4,345
For me it's a matter of Guilt over loss,...Luckely I made the right move n surrendered to my addiction n gave mum my kids...!

Im wracked with Guilt,..n what if's,...I will never watch them grow up,...!
I will never be able to hold my daughter when she fall's over, or be there for Christmas or Birthdays,...!

I never chose drugs over my kids i chose there safety first, n my life in the gutter.,,.NOT for them,...I got them out of there,...and everyday i sruggle with the feelings of Why did i fail them so badly,...The ultimate faliure ehy....For a woman, is to fail your kids...and thats what i did,...!

Ive been free of hard drugs for a long time now,....but my mum dont see the change, she do'nt even know me....Her own daughter,...!

Please try not to judge me as it's not as black n withe as that,..n there are other details Why they had to leave,..!
I had no choice,...!I fought for 2 yrs n they threw the book at me...So all my attempts to save the situation were futile anyway,...They wanted me to fail n they got what they wanted did'nt they...!

Now Im alone and have to build a new life without them, when all i had was my son,..n now he's grown up i missed it,...'Forever Gutted' that im a failure of the highest order...Im my crappy mind anyway,...!
Sorry,.. for ranting abit...!
Thanks i think i needed that today,....

Time2,...Im am so sorry for your pain,...There is nothing i can say to ease your pain im sorry,...!
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