Which way to go. True what you say about tolerence, but one need not trip every day, every week, even every month, to be consumed in thinking of them, obsessed by their powerful allure of retreat/ escape, every day, nearly all day. It wasn't until just the past couple days, when the idea of going back was put directly to the test, that I realize for the first time that I truly don't want to go back to them. To go back would be major retreat, a major step backward into submission, into self-denial, into all that complacency and giving up the "spirit" of life that I'm just now beginning to taste, and I find this potential for freedom of mind so deliciously compelling.