My Best Thinking
By Nick A.
I recently had a truly awful twelve step experience. The counselor who helped me get my now defunct SOS meeting started at the hospital has a string of halfway houses in the greater Tampa area. He does not run the organization as a "twelve step or hit the road program," but things can get very "steppy" around there anyway. I have been attending some of the meetings at his houses since my "at the detox meeting" ended with the closing of the hospital. Last week there was a guest speaker who truly made my skin crawl.
His "story" had little to do with him. The only thing about him in the whole hour was that, at some point in time, he had moved to Tampa. He presented the "Fire and Brimstone" twelve step -- you're defective -- your best thinking got you here -- you're selfish and self centered -- pray to God -- there's NO other way -- half steps will avail you blah blah blah ...sermon. What really got me was the number of people in the room who sat and watched him with that thousand yard stare -- "where do I sign up for the get rich in real estate seminar" look in their eyes. They were awe struck by the majesty and brilliance of his presentation. All I can say is that my best thinking got me away from twelve step programs.
When I tried to explain my concept of the AA concept at my now defunct SOS meeting, it went something like this:
In 1936 when AA came into being they were trying to find what made alcoholics different than other people. They weren't taller, shorter, thinner, fatter, Black, White or any other thing that they could nail down. Genetics and chemical balances in the body were not well understood. Heck, penicillin was still years away!
What they could nail down seemed to be related to behavior. This behavior seemed to indicate that alcoholics were selfish and self centered, putting alcohol ahead of all else.
My belief has always been that these perceived character defects and self centered behavior were the result of alcoholism, not the cause. Once you are addicted to the stuff, of course it's your number one priority. Once you're an addict, without alcohol you can die from the withdrawal. Now with a dependency like that, where are you going to put your priorities?
Even the "I'm in outer space" detox patients seemed to agree with that one.