God gave me wings last year and I did fly. I can't begin to tell you how happy I was, for the first time EVER in my adult life. Everything took on a new beauty. I could hear and see things that I hadn't enjoyed since I was a child.
Unfortunately, it was the first time that I was ever alone in my life. I did not have any type of counseling for the treatment I had endured since I was a teenager. I didn't know how to resist temptation. When the Abf started calling me, I thought it was alright to 'still be friends'. NO!!! It was a huge and emotionally crippling mistake. Now....I'm back here. The self esteem is slowly going downhill again. I am a bird in a cage again, but I allowed myself to be put in this cage BECAUSE I allowed my alcoholic to slip back into my life.
I am surrounded by alcoholics who are always trying to manipulate, control, and tear me down. I WAS doing so well just a few months ago and BELIEVE ME they saw it. So....the games started. It's like crabs in a bucket. Don't let her get out. So all the other crabs started pulling me back down into the bucket. May sound like a strange analogy, but it works for me. I am a firm believer that MISERY LOVES COMPANY.
I am praying that God will give me wings again, BUT I know that I need to start working on bringing myself back up to where I was before. I need to get out of that bucket of sand!!!!
Thanks for this post. It has helped me a lot!