Hey there Cynay, have a
Here's my suggestions. First break it down by _time_.
What do you have to absolutely do today or the world will come to an end? If you go to her work, or _not_ go to her work, will it make the world end today?
I don't think the world will end today, so maybe just for today you don't have to do anything. Maybe you can set a time limit like "I'm going to ask people at my meetings for suggestion for a whole week and next friday I'll make a decision".
Once you decide on a time frame you can make a list of alternatives, and what each alternative will acomplish. Here's the ones I see, add more of your own.
- Action: Do nothing and wait until she makes contact, then ask her to repay the loan. Probable consequence: she'll get angry and ignore you again.
- Action: Do nothing and wait until she makes proper ammends by repaying the loan. Probable consequence: the beginning of communication because she's repaying out of her own will.
- Action: Go to her work and force her to talk to you. Probable consequence: Al-anon teaches that we can't force anybody to do anything so she will likely get more angry.
- Action: Take her to collections. Probable consequence: Get your money back, but also make her angry.
- Action: Treat her like any other person that treats you poorly, whether an alcoholic ex-spouse, a boyfriend, or a pain-in-the-rear teenager. Practice detachment, establish boundaries, show compassion for their pain but maintain boundaries, etc. etc. Probable consequence: _You_ have serenity in your life and allow them the dignity to make their own decisions in their life.
I would think there's many more options that I haven't thought of. All of them can be examined in light of the principles of recovery.
Whadya think?
Mike
