I am very much sad, but no regret and there are no tears so far today, Your right I am sure they will come, but I am sad that this man has chosen alcohol over his family. I am sad b/c I have given this man 7 years of my life and 3 beautiful children and he dosen't seem to see that. I want to say to him OPEN YOUR EYES DARN IT AND SEE WHAT IS IN FRONT OF YOU, YOU ARE KILLING YOURSELF. I want him to come to me and tell me that we are the most important thing in his life that the beer does not matter at all to him, but he can't.
When I married him, I honestly thought that it was not a problem for him. I had no education on alcohol b/c I had never been around it. He always told me it relaxed him and helped him sleep, and I beleived him. But then he started to drink earlier in the day and then it started to change his attitude and personality. Maybe I just became less tolerant of it after the kids were born. I don't know.
In the 7 years of marriage I can remember needing things for myself or the kids and not being able to have those things b/c he has spent all the money on alcohol. It would have been different if he drank and supported his family, but he did not. He would buy beer and then I would have to scrape change for milk and daipers. There are times when we had no groceries, but you bet there was beer in the fridge and cigs in his pocket.
I don't understand why my heart aches for this man. Why do I care what happens to him. I just want to be released from all the hurt, guilt, anger and shame that I feel.
Okay Cynay, I may be more emotional that I think.
