Stupid Giril!!!!
Everyone around claims how strong and independent I am. It's all a front. I'm not strong! Actually, I'm stupid and pathetic to let something like this happen to me. My ex is playing me BIG TIME!!! Whether he is sick or not, he's trying to reel me back into is life, and he's doing a mighty good job at it. It's a "catch-22". If I don’t' seem to care and act as if he's not sick then I'm the cold, heartless b*tch he claims I am. On the other hand, if I fall for it, then I'm the stupid, foolish, co-dependent sucker I have always been.
I'm so weak and pathetic to let someone come into my life and pretend he was something that he is not! It's all smoke and mirrors! The man I fell in love with is just an image of my imagination...he doesn't assist. I have read so many posts on this blog and we all have the same common denominator, and that is we gave our heart, soul and mind to an alcoholic. We are left here on this blog trying to figure out what we did wrong, or what we could have done to make it right. Why are we the victims of this whole mess? I know each and everyone of us deserve something better than sitting on this blog trying to figure out how to take the next breath, the next step in our lives. My ex is trying to drag me down by proclaiming he is ill and dying. Maybe I'll go to HELL for thinking it's all a lie, but I like to think God will forgive me for not believing in him. My ex has stolen from me, cheated on me, lied to me, physically put his hands on me. Do you really think at this time I really care if the B*STARD is sick? NOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I have no sympathy for alcoholics. My aunt is an alcoholic and I've seen her destroy her family in order to get her next fix. The woman fell down a flight a stairs (from a drunken comatose) and was in a coma for weeks. The woman to this day is still drinking. I saw the heartache and pain she put her family through, especially my father. All I want is to get on with my life. Do I want another man? NO!!! I told my parents this evening that it would take a very, very special man to put up with me. I don’t trust anyone, especially a man right now. I think I rather be alone with my dog , Max than have to deal with the what-if’s in a new relationship.