Last Tuesday
Last Tuesday, I sat in front of my computer screen crying while reading through these forums. My wife had finally had enough of me the night before. I have been drinking and smoking weed since I was 12 years old. In college, I was an athlete, so, my drinking and smoking was not that bad since we always had practice. Since then, I have drank almost every single day, for 11 years. There has been a day or two here and there that I did not when we would be visiting her parents or something like that. However, most days consisted of me grabbing a 6 pack for my ride home, then having a few more beers at home. Since I have a flexible job, there are some days that I can leave early. Those days were "great." I could grab a case of beer and start drinking at 10am and drink all day long. I have to travel for work, which meant it was a party the whole time. Sometimes, I would go to city and all I would do was drink for three or four days. I would start at 11am in restaurants but by about 6pm I would be getting pretty wasted, so I would buy a case and drink the rest, by myself, in a hotel room. When I woke up last Tuesday, I was pretty hung over. My wife had yelled at me for a while the night before. She hated me, she wanted me out, she loathed my existence. She said the thought of us having children was a joke. She was tired of finding empties in the garage, the house, in my car. She hated kissing me because I reaked of beer. Last Tuesday, I woke up, she yelled at me and left for work. So, I cracked a beer. While searching the net and drinking, I stumbled across this site.
This Tuesday, I woke up at 6am and fixed my wife and I coffee and breakfast. I went to a 9am meeting actually prepared with reports, rather than, "I will get those done right away." I have not had anything to drink for seven days. I realize that I have a long way to go but I wanted to say THANK YOU to this forum. Those first few days were hard. I felt like I could not eat, could not sleep, had headaches, was sweating like crazy. Let me tell people who are thinking about quitting what I have loved about this past week.
My wife has told me she loves me more in the past three days than she has in the past three years. I look people in the eye when I speak to them. I go for a run or bike ride without having to reward myself with a six pack "for a job well done." I don't wake up thinking "what the hell did I do last night?" I have lost 10 lbs. I am excited about life and that is a feeling that I have not felt in a long time. I need to get back to work however I wanted to share this with this forum since I feel that you guys are responsible for the beginning of change in my life. When I get a craving or I drive by a liquor store and think, just one, I think of the stories that people courageously shared on here and I keep driving. I hope I keep driving for the rest of my life because I already feel like I have missed my 20's and early 30's and I don't want to miss anymore.
Thank you.