(((Crissy))))
Thank you for sharing! I’m glad you found this site, you will find so much support, love and understanding here. So many of us have been and are still where you’re at. I, myself struggle daily. My H is in recovery now and we are currently separated, and he is doing really well. Keeping my mind off of him and on me is the hard part though. I have forever thought I could “fix” him too, and letting go of that and realizing that I have no control over him, that I am powerless over his addiction issues is HARD to do. Concentrating on me, being honest with myself and learning the behaviors about me that I need to change is very hard too. Letting go of his problem, and letting him take care of himself is hard. It’s scary to think about the future, but if we learn to live just for today and concentrate on us, it’s a little easier to deal with. Every time I post something on here, I am truly touched by the responses of encouragement and support that I get, and it always helps me put the focus back on myself rather than him. I can’t control his future, and I can’t control our marriage, but I can work on me so that I have a healthy future, whatever the outcome is.
If you haven’t tried face to face Alanon meetings, please consider it. I debated for weeks before I went to my first one, I was skeptical at first, but like here, you will find support and encouragement and lots of love.
I wish you the very best, stay strong and keep posting,
p.s. I agree with EyesOpen about making things worse. My H has many resentments towards me for some of the things I did in my attempts to control his ability to fund his habit. Not only do I have to learn to trust him again, but he also has to learn to believe in me that I no longer want to control anything about his life.