My AH is not actively drinking and does attend a "couple" of meetings a week but his behavior IMVHO, hasn't changed. The last day of his rehab stay I was asked by his counsoler( can't ever spell that word) what were my boundries?
#1- No drinking or drug use or I will file for a divorce-he thought this very ridgid as he learned in rehab many people "slip", but I would not budge.
#2- Get a job and take care of your responsibilities-he did but when offered a small freelance job covering a local baseball team ( he's a journalist, writing is his passion) paying only $30 a story he took it. But when he went to the restuarant where is was working 40-60hrs a week to ask for 9days off in the month to do this writing, his boss said no he had a strict policy (no other jobs while working for him). He quit, granted I agreed that his boss was a bit unreasonable but it was steady work. He was getting his bills paid.
So, he continued to freelance for that newspaper while looking for jobs in his field (not jobs that would pay the bills) jobs he wanted. After, two months of this child support caught up with his a$$ and he was serverd a summons to appear in court. His answer-steal $500 from my personal account and shuffle on off to Buffalo to see his youngest son. In other words run from his responsibility (what he did when actively drinking). He wasn't drinking though (which baffled the hell out of me). Missed his hearing, got thrown in jail for 5 days until his bail was reduced to an amount I could reasonably afford.
#3- New boundries, as stated above. I wanted so bad to kick his a$$ to the curb that I changed the locks but was told it was his house as much as mine and since he had/has nowhere to go.....burned all his bridges he's here.
#4-New boundry his set last night-stop asking if he's attending meetings and if he's following the steps " When I was drinking, no matter what you did or said, whether directly or indirectly NEVER made a difference to me. It only frustrated me more and eventually I wasn't listening anymore." " I had to figure it out for myself."
"I have to figure my recovery out myself." " It's like I put my foot into the pool and you throw me in when I don't want to go in."
My control issues, I have got to work on them. Alanon, posting here, reading and then putting what I read into practice in my life. Practice..Practice...Practice
(He is working now, got a job 5 days out of jail waiting tables. Guess jail wasn't for him LOL)