Well I'm back to teaching. The first week of school has been great with my students. I'm getting there early and staying late to get back into the routines and planning. I also starting talking to one of our new teachers and got a little too interested too quickly. Guess I'm still looking to fill a void of friendship, companionship, etc. Oh well, I'm leaving him alone now. If he's interested in return he'll let me know. I probably already ruined that chance, though.
Unfortunately, my first paycheck was less than expected and I had to turn down the apartment I was going to move into soon. I could find something less expensive, but I'll just stay at my parents for awhile and practice patience. I'm taking it as a sign that I'm not supposed to leave, yet.
My mom has been away since June visiting my grandma. She was supposed to come home 2 weeks ago, but my grandma's vascular disease has progressed and will need to have her foot amputated. My mom will have to stay indefinitely to take care of her. I miss my mom so much and really need her, too.
I was thinking of cancelling my trip over Labor Day to VA Beach, but my dad is telling me to go and enjoy myself. I know I should go, but I just don't feel all that excited now.
Emotionally, I'm all over the place. I'm trying so hard to be happy on the outside, but inside it's just not there. Every time I think I'm moving forward, something else triggers a setback.
I know the best thing I did was getting myself out of a relationship with an alcoholic. It's hard, though because at least I knew what to expect with him. Now, I have no idea of the future. I'm afraid of making more mistakes and getting hurt again. This is so unfair. I'm a good person and didn't deserve this pain. I tried so hard to make it work. Now I feel like I'm suffering as a result of leaving something I know wasn't good for me.
I guess tomorrow's a new day and I just start again. I'm thankful I have somewhere to live and my family understands. I just wanted to be in a different place at this time in my life.