Are you asking me? About what is my thinking the chemical of THC? Or about my attitude regarding smoking the substance thereof.
If you're asking me, my response is the same as yours. I know it needs to go. It's not so much the drug that's the problem, as it is my attitude toward using it. Having reduced the intake tremendously in the past 1/2 year (I won't provide details because it's embarrassing how irresponsible I'd become) that it's still there, keeps it alive in mind. That is the problem with any continued use. Especially of a drug of choice, but really I'm thinking all mind-altering chemicals have to go, because of the mentality that they're use is present under, and that they maintain. That escapism factor. It's huge in me. Through drugs it's quick, and effective. Hence the appeal. Which is also why that's gotta go, otherwise I'm always looking to that, or thinking of that, whenever the desire arises. That being, in any time of stress or desire for escape. Having created for myself an extremely busy, active, self-induced stressful life (by choice, I like working under (limited) pressure), I created my own stress, and reasons for escape. Vicious cycle. There are alternatives to relief from stress through drugs. There really are. But how easy it is to return to drugs in times of stress. The alternatives somehow flee the brain when the pressure is on. This is all about reprogramming, learning new ways of thinking/ acting/ reacting. And in large part I've found some extremely functional alternatives. Things I enjoy! And that foster forward thinking, engagement of mind, connecting with things outside of my own isolated thinking. Well I could ramble on but you get the idea. The drug-retreat mentality keeps us stuck in drug-retreat mentality. We keep working on it (((doorknob)))