Rose....
5 years ago today I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.....
I had given another dirty UA and was awaiting the results...
I was torn between giving up on my career...as a nurse...to pursue my life as an addict...
I had no idea how live life clean and sober...
I could not begin to imagine a life either with or without drugs and alcohol...
I was 39 years old and had been self medicating since I was 14.....
I was high on meth....
I really don't know "why" I decided that next day to give treatment a try.....
but by the Grace of God and the fellowship of NA and AA I've been sober one day at a time ever since...
What I did do is followed the suggestions of the people who were sitting around those tables...
meetings, sponsor, steps....
I don't really know "how" it works....
but it worked for me!
the obsession to use has gradually been removed....
There were many times that I, too felt that I "didn't belong"....especially in the beginning.
That's our disease talking, wanting to keep us sick....
The choice is yours, Rose...
at any time you can make the decision to stop beating yourself up and pick up the toolbelt that awaits you in the rooms...
It's a simple program but no one will tell you that it's an easy program...
As you get to know people, you will become more comfortable around the tables...
try different meetings, look for different times and locations....try to make a meeting every day...or more.
I once attended 3 in one day!
Now, I could walk into any group and feel at home, because I know that I have friends in every city across the nation and even in other countries...
We always welcome "out of towners"...
they have new stories to share...
Although, in reality, I've slacked off in going to face to face meetings during the last year or so since my sponsee died....
I just felt like I didn't have anything useful to give...
but I do see that I need to get back to the basics once again...