When I got to the point where I no longer wanted to drink but had to have a drink I knew I was in deep. I would gag at the thought of alcohol and had hell keeping it down but to not drink was to shake, puke and want to die. When I started leaving work at lunch to get something in me and then the day that I actually snuck a small bottle into the office in my purse was the lowest of the lows. Watching the looks on my children and my mom's face when I was drunk and trying to cover it up (hard to disguise slurring as anything but). When I would wake up in the morning covered in bruises with no idea how I got them and then had to make up lies to explain them. When the realization hit me that my kidneys were no longer functioning properly. All of these things along with a feeling of utter hopelessness that I could find my way out of the living hell I had created for myself were my bottom. They are the things I try to never forget so that I don't have to go back and live them again.
Hugs,
Kellye