HI I am Levi,
What brought you to change? Facing up to my alcohol dependence was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I am just wondering what inspired you all to do the same.
For me it was multifaceted. I knew after about year two that I had a problem. I had escalated from drinking a couple of beers to drinking daily. I knew at about 2.5 years that I had a serious problem, but I wasn't ready to change (I was up to about a mickey a day at that point). It progressed further by year three I wanted to change so bad, but I didn't feel I could. I felt trapped. I hated myself and my addiction.
What brought about the change was as follows:
Tired of the pain I was feeling daily
Tired of the physical symptoms
Tired of the headaches
Tired of the throwing up
Tired of the shame and guilt
Tired of the costs financially ... broke all the time
Hurting despite the drinking... the blackness of it all was no longer sufficient to wipe out how I was truly feeling
Awareness of all that had turned for the worse... going from being very healthy, generally happy, inspired, creative, etc. to being dependent, unable to function well, lack of creativity, feeling like I wanted to be dead rather than live one more day
my father's suicide
my niece calling the cops on me as she thought I wanted to kill myself... not sure, maybe i really did want to and just hadn't found the will to do it
lost my job
hated myself
hated my career despite working 9 years to build it
self loathing
anti depressants no longer working
worsening depression... worst i had ever experienced
emotionally bankrupt and destitute, and
being totally isolated and alone.
For me that was what brought me to know I needed, not just wanted to change. I had nothing left. I had nothing to give. I was emotionally, financially, physically and spiritually destitute.
While the solution did not just appear b/c I wanted and needed it to, it took time, I am so glad that I hit my bottom as I did and that I am now sober by choice and moving along. I no longer even joke about wanting to be single forever... I don't want to be alone anymore. I am proud of me and want to share my life with you all and with a special someone.
I want to live.
Peace, Levi
