I think I know what you're getting at.
But it seems to me that anyone who feels an enormous amount of pain while experiencing a life change of this magnitude might experience some severe psychological damage.
You don't squeeze it 'til it bleeds.
Something isn't making sense. Perhaps you can shed some light. If it's because of what you experienced as result of the programming and then the de-programming of AA, then I understand and there's no need to explain.