hi,
thanks for allowing me to vent. I have been married for just about 16 months. My husband told me that he had been sober for five years before we met (drugs and alcohol). Not seeing any signs and wanting to believe the best...I was slapped in the face when after 3 weeks of marriage he went out on a drinking and drugging binge. He blamed the whole thing on me because I turned out to be a terrible wife and nothing like what he expected. He says I am his "trigger". My faith in God has been my saving grace in the many dark days, weeks and months that followed. My life has been like a roller coaster in the last year. When ever he would stop drinking I would try and believe he would never do it again - just to get disappointed over and over again. My husband is not much of a talker so when ever I would want to tell him my feelings about the situation he would blow up again and blame me for everything (again). A lot of my frustration comes from him thinking that my son and I are not affected by his behavior. He says I want to talk to people to get attention. In the mean time I am feeling so alone and hurt. Unfortunately, my father was also an alcoholic. I lived as a child under the fear of living with a violent alcoholic. I really didn't see this coming - how stupid I was. I really wanted to believe my husband's word, being a Christian man (he NEVER drank around me). He has stopped drinking for the last couple of months after going into DETOX. He attends some meetings, but I still see the anger and other issues which were hidden behind the addictions. I want to help him, but I know he has to want to help himself first. Even though he is not drinking now, he is still treating me like I am the cause of ALL of his problems, which I know I am not. I am trying to keep myself strong in the midst of him trying to tear me down. My sister suggested I look into Al-Anon to have some people to talk to. Thanks for letting me go on and on. I am trying to see the rainbow at the end of the road.
