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Old 08-01-2006, 06:12 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
aloneagainor
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: The Big Woods
Posts: 521
Originally Posted by minnie
I only talk about it with people who speak the same language. With others, I just feel it. I think they do too.
Not relating to anyone, and no-one relating to me, a year ago in the spring I thought to reconsider my approach, made an effort, stayed off drugs for 2 months, but soon started back in just a bit, within 4 months was deeper in than before. Hiding even more this time because I was supposed to be 'recovered'. Late last year I completely gave up trying and decided to opt out of trying to connect with people entirely, it was just too damn much trouble. Why bother with people when all I need can be found within my own solitary pursuits. Reading, writing, hiking, music, and drugs. What more would I ever want or need. Self-contained and self-confident and self-assured I knew what I was doing, I avoided everyone. But problems arise in that, solitude does have its drawbacks, it's not natural...or even very functional.

I found SR in February and have given reconnecting another try. Trying to relate to my family, I wrote to my parents a story about some things happeneing here on the farm. About the Cooper's hawk that's stalking the flock and swiping chicks, adding observations about the strength and natural beauty of the hawk, and the way the whole system of predator/ prey functions. It's quite impressive to see such raw nature in action. I wrote descriptively, trying to convey the awe I experience in watching this.

I just got my response from dad.

Why don't you just shoot the hawk???

Yes, I got my response. This is a rough night. I wonder what's the point in trying to connect with people, when we can find all we need without speaking a word. What's the point in expression of any ideas.
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