.... Sex Life ... do you have one?

[tryingtrying]

I was just wondering ... if alcoholism (or another addiction) has affected your sex life ... and how.

If anyone would like to share, that is.

I think it has affected mine in a very negative way. As in... I drink myself to sleep a lot, so when we go to bed I'm asleep when my head hits the pillow most nights.

Then I wake up in the middle of the night ... craving to be cuddled ... but he's asleep, of course.

And then I wonder what he must think when he goes to bed .. me passed out on my side of the bed, smelling of booze ... although he's usually had a drink or two, so he probably doesn't notice the smell. But still.

On the other hand, he's usually not in the mood ... and isn't a touchy-feely guy anyway... Maybe I just feel left out somehow?

Anyway ...

Am I the only one without a sex life?

*sigh*

[tryingtrying]

maybe I am ... lol ... *searching frantically for the Edit Post button, but don't seem toh ave one* ... d-oh.

[51anna]

Well, I would just caution that getting sober doesn't solve all your problems. I mean, if a marriage has sexual or other problems, then they will still be there when you're sober, at least to some extent. If the drinking caused those problems, then they will likely disappear.

Drinking for years and then getting sober does change the dynamic in a relationship. My relationship with my husband is not the same as it was. For me, it's better in that I am not driven by my emotions alone.

Try to be patient and see how things change as time goes on.

[tryingtrying]

Hey thanks, you guys! Lots to think about. :o)

[Jane63]

When I was in active addiction {Vicoden} our sex life really suffered! Seems I was in a little world of my own and getting my gratification from the pills!

After I got clean and my health back, our sex life really took off {woohoo!! } and seems we could not get enough of each other! LOL! My whole attitude had changed and along with feeling so impowered from conquering my addiction, I also felt more comfortable with him!

Now, 2-years {as of tomorrow!!} later, it seems to have calmed down some but I still manage to put a smile on hubbys face at least once a week or so!! {hehe!! }

My advice...Get clean FIRST for you, then work on your marriage. Things usually seem to fall into place when we are in a better place mentally and physically and remember, a little honesty goes a long way! I can't stress enough how important it is to talk, really talk and that in itself often brings you closer!
God Bless!!

[c'est la vie]

Hi Trying, there may have been something weird happening with your post yesterday, because I was here all day and night and don't remember seeing your post. I guess that's something to remember when you don't get replies - nothing personal.

I have been working on becoming alcohol-free since January and when I stopped drinking then, I really was worried about sex. Things didn't seem right physically and I was completely self conscious I didn't enjoy it for all the worry. It seems that time has corrected things because it's great now. No worries at all. I suggest that you concentrate on solving your alcohol/drug problem first and perhaps your sex life will just fall into place.

[mendingheart]

My abf had the Lortab addiction, and had not much of an interest, but could be coaxed. He is now in recovery, and I am waiting for the sex drive to come alive, but it hasn't as of yet. We are having difficulties. We are suppose to be seeing the doc at his next appt. He loves closeness and holding, but the sex thing just is not there. It is very frustrating for me, and at times I just have given up. I do not want to live a life of 89 in my 40's. I do hope there are some changes.......so I can relate to you. I have never had an addiction personally, so I keep waiting patiently for this to show up. sigh...

[prairierose]

It's been my experience that sex in sobriety is AMAZING! Far beyond anything I experience when I was "out there." I think it's partly because I'm actually present for the act and partly because I know the guy. Plus, recovery has taught me to have a firm sense of self and be comfortable in my own skin so I don't have a need to be drunk before someone sees me with my clothes off (as I did before). All this took time, but believe me it is a major blessing of sobriety.

Virginia

[Rachiloo]

I have a virtually inexistent libido, It makes things really hard for us. He doesn't know about the drinking, so maybe things will get better now I am trying to stop.

I am glad to hear that it is not just me. I think it is an interesting point about getting your gratification elsewhere, I guess it is the booze for me.

[Josiol]

Sex was actually better when I was drinking. I felt less inhibited. I was in treatment for 5 weeks and got a dual diagnosis (alcoholism & severe anxiety disorder). The anxiety was why I drank. I was trying to self medicate. Anyway..... I was put on Zoloft for my anxiety and it's working great, but it's also known for its sexual side effects. It's sad, but honestly.... sex is the last thing on my mind... lol

[YesIcan]

It's the same for me. I usually expect the alcohol to relax me & put me in the mood (even though I know i won't). Then, by the end of the night, I don't feel like it and I try to sneak into bed. I'd love to see that change!

[j'ade d'arcy]

I've only experienced sex sober for the first time in my life this past year. At 33 years old....I've discovered my sexuality...and I don't want to lose it!!

It's so different from what I considered sex while I was using. Then it was a series of difficult feelings..guilt, shame, anger, revenge. Very rarely was it what I would consider "making love". Especially in the last few years of drinking, when it consisted of drunken hook-ups with strangers -not only dangerous and possibly life threatening- but the shame the next day was overwhelming. The guilt of having cheated again was overwhelming. And the fear of getting diagnosed with a disease was beyond overwhelming. This is what I thought was sex?!?!

For me, it's another rock solid reason to not use. To have discovered that I have been missing out on this vital part of a woman's life for the fleeting pleasure and long-lasting misery of drinking was like a shock of cold water in my face.

Sober sex is on my short list of why I'm staying sober.

[splendra]

I have always had difficulty with my sexuality. Even with many years of sobriety. The sex life I do have though is about expressing love to someone that I deeply love. My H is an active addict so it does put quite a damper on things.

Even when I was active in my addiction my sex life was very limited and I was in touch with wanting to express love when having sex. It is very difficult to work thru the issues of sex if there are any while still using. I feel that I have worked thru most of my "stuff" concerning my sexuality. To me it seems that my H has issues with sex that he is at present unable to address.

To me sex has never been amazing it has had it's moments of joy and tenderness.

I am not the type who could have a relationship that is based on sex or phyiscal attraction that is for sure...