I feel bad for being happy when they leave

[Paulie]

well I just took the kids back home a few hours ago and i got back home and was happy that they were not here. I feel so bad for feeling that way. I mean they were only here for the weekend, but I was so relieved to take them home today. I thought that it would get easier the longer Paul and I were together, but as the kids get older, it gets harder.

I planned a family birthday party at the pizza parlor for Pauls 13 year old daughter, about 30 of us (just our families). she sat in the corner by herself most of the time. Now I do have a compasionate side and I know that the kid does not have the easiest life with her mom not to mention what Paul and I put her through before we got sober 7 years ago, but the not so nice side of me wanted to.....scream at her. She wanted this party, she asked for it and then she sat in the corner. I was so frustrated, but I didn't say anything, the only thing I did was make her get up and hug everyone and thank them for their gifts before they left.

Now they are gone for two weeks and i am glad and feeling bad for being glad.
Just needed to vent...this step parent thing really gets to me sometimes!

[JT]

Pauline,

The parent thing gets to you too. And the grandparent thing. I love my grandson to death...he makes me smile and laugh and ache with love. But when he goes home I can relax.

When you were describing Pauls 13 year old girl I thought of me at that age. I am suprised someone didn't kill me and put me out of my misery. Terrible terrible age and it gets worse before it gets better. I would throw my leg over the chair, flip my hair and sigh. How uncool to be at the pizza parlor with the FAMILY...what if someone SEES me! I was the queen of melodrama.

I have a neice that was a positive B**** and now I like her.

Just picture her naked!
Hugs,
JT

[Debbie]

Hey Pauline

I think its a natural feeling.

I love my neice to death but every time I sent her to her parents I was relieved. It was such a responsibility.

I miss her so much but if she came back I am sure the same emotions would come rolling in.

Kids are funny, and they are definitely hard to raise when they aren't your own.

I think you did just great!!

Relax and have a little me time now

Take care.
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie

[Paulie]

Thanks guys - I know. I just needed to vent.

I am upfront with Paul about things like Saturday she was being a royal b**** and I told him so, but I would never say to him that I am glad they are gone, that would hurt him. but it feels good to say it out loud, ya know.

I think I try to hard, I have unrealistic expectations for how things are supposed to be when they are here. Or should I say how I want them to be. wow maybe some real control issues going on here, ya think????

thanks again guys, they will be back in 2 weeks for another weekend and things will be just fine.

[liveweyerd]

Pauline,

hahahaha
I got an image of a mom dropping her little one off to school the first day..
and she is crying....
do you know what she is thinking?
Thank God! A day to myself!


live

[Ann]

Pauline

If the truth were known, Paul was probably relieved too. And when her mother sends her to your place, she is relieved.

The thing is, girls that age are a royal pain, I know I was. There is no such family as the Brady Bunch (and they didn't fare so well either), and you did the best you could and kudos for making her be polite with the hugs and thank you's.

Even with company that I really like and that are perfect house guests, I am happy to see them come and happpy to see them go. I like my space.

So don't beat yourself up, just give yourself a hug and know that this little girl is probably a lot happier than you think.

[Paulie]

I hope you are right Ann.

It wasn't like she was giving us the teen attitude or anything, she was just sitting off by herself acting like her best friend died. Speaking of friends, she doens't have many and that hurts me to. Sometimes I forget all I can do is the best I can do for them when they are here.

Thanks for reminding me of that.

I think sometimes I just feel selfish. Cause it is just me and Paul living our life here in our cozy little home with our business and our friends and family and then for 48 hours these other people are here, and they are people now, with opinions and attitudes and stuff, they aren't just little kids who want to play or go to the park, they are people. and everything changes for those 48 hours. But as I have said before when I have been complaining about this (and thanks for listening again) I choose to be here I am not forced to stay, so I need to do the best I can, which I believe I do for them.

Okay I think I am done whinng for now anyway LOL!