i give up - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

lostnalone95 · 06-20-2006, 05:17 AM

i think the title of this thread says it all--i give up!!!!! everytime i think that i am moving forward things are getting better even if it is only minutely something happens and i feel like i am being pushed 20 steps backwards....and i am so damned sick and tired of it!!!!! sick and tired of hurting, crying, being angry....everything!!!!!! why is it that my husbands life is getting so much better now that he is living with his ***** and our lives (the kids and mine) keeps getting worse??? anybody got an answer for that one????? cause i sure don't get it.....i was a good wife, i put my kids and husband before myself, i didn't have an affair....yet my life has been shattered into a gagillion billion pieces and my kids are just as fu**ed up emotionally as i am and my husband is walking around with a smile on his face because he knows that after he vidits the kids he gets to go back to the whores house, where he now lives and have sex with her and her **** friend. he is off having threesomes and god know what else happy as a flipping lark and the three of us are still sooooo dizzy from the chaos that has been caused that we can't even see straight. i'm telling ya, i am really at the give up point.......i played by the rules and i got shi* on again which seems to be my lot in life and i am really getting sick and tired of playing by tbe rules and getting the short end of the stick every freaking time!!!! know what i mean!!!!

**51anna** · 06-20-2006, 05:43 AM

Oh lost, I'm sorry things look dismal right now.

I guess the simple answer is that life isn't fair, it just isn't. Things happen and we just have to deal with them. And, it's how we deal with the stuff that life throws our way that matters.

From your viewpoint, your husband has things going his way right now. But, you need to remember that you are person who did the right thing. Your husband cheated on you and left for another woman. He has to live with that. You were a good wife and you're trying hard to maintain a home and family life for your children now that your husband has gone. You are doing the right thing and what needs to be done. Take pride in that.

Things will get better.

**CarolD** · 06-20-2006, 06:07 AM

Not all loves are forever.
You are a wonderful person who will come out of this sick
marriage even stronger.

There is hope and healing for you and your children.
Get involved in AA..you know that is where your solutions are.

liveweyerd · 06-20-2006, 06:09 AM

hugs! I can't add anything to what has been said, just want you to know I am thinking of you.

GettingFree · 06-20-2006, 08:18 AM

Hey lost,

I'm sorry you're at a low point. It won't last. It may be hard to believe that right now, but it's normal to have this kind of up and down when you're going through this kind of transition. You're in the middle of a very traumatic change that is at its peak. And it will get better. You are choosing a life that's authentic, and with that authenticity is pain. But the rewards can be so much: real, genuine connections with others and mostly, with yourself. Your husband on the other hand is choosing another path, anything but authenticity, and one that helps him run away from and avoid pain.

The so-called happiness you see your husband experiencing, chances are it's not the whole story. In fact, he may want to ensure that's what you're thinking and go out of his way when he's around you to communicate that. From what you've shared, his gf is a controlling, bitter person who is as deep in her addiction as your husband. And whtever 'happiness' you see is almost certainly not going to be permanent. It's like looking at someone who's drunk or high out partying. It can look like they're having a wonderful time out there, but the real story is something far different. Almost guaranteed he will spike high and then sink very low -- it's what addicts do.

As to playing by the rules and still getting s**t on -- be careful of sinking into a victim role. I can understand -- it does feel unfair and it's so easy to think "Why me? I did everything right!"

Eventually I had to look at this question by looking inside me and start asking questions. Why did this happen? Did it just 'happen' to me? Why did I choose certain people, certain partners, my husbands? What was it about me 'then' that brought me to the place I am now.

What did I not know then, that I do know now?

Hang in...you're a great mom, a strong person, and have a lot to offer your family, yourself, and quite likely someone else in the future. You deserve a lot more, and you'll get it.

best
gf

kali ma · 06-20-2006, 08:44 AM

I can't add anything either. My thoughts are with you...

lostnalone95 · 06-20-2006, 02:29 PM

you know i went to therapy today.....and out of what felt like nowhere so much anger came rushing out of my mouth that i was floored. i didn't walk into the office angry....i walked in sad....missing the man that i fell in love with all those years ago.....but that isn't what ended up coming out. now don't get me wrong...i felt much much better after i expressed that anger but i am puzzled because i didn't realize that i felt it, i didn't realize that it was there......i thought that i was "in touch" with my feelings that i had a pretty good handle on my emotions.....maybe i don't after all and if i don't should i be scared? am i capable of "loosing it" and unleashing my anger on my kids? that thought terrifies me.....now i remember why i have spent so much of my life burying my feelings....repressing them.....bottling them up.....should i do that now to protect them from me.....put my anger and negative feelings on hold until they leave home......i don't want to lash out at them when it isn't them that i am so incrediably angry at........it is him
i don't know what to do....i am so damned confused and sick and tired of being confused.....i would love to have just a few days that are pain free at this point that all just a break from the pain and the confusion that is all....is that too much to ask?

**51anna** · 06-20-2006, 03:59 PM

Lost, I admire the way you are handling this situation. It's been dumped on you and you're working your way through a real mess to try to make a good life for you and your kids.

I am going to say this will love in my heart - you are angry. Go back to the first post in this thread and re-read it. That is a very angry woman. And, I'm so glad that you came to see that today. You have every right to be angry because your life was turned upside down overnight and you have a lot of responsibility now. And, no I don't think it means you're going to lose it. And, being 'aware' is a big step. You can acknowledge your feelings, express them in a healthy way and move on. Exercise is great, music can help, whatever works for you.

You're doing great!

GettingFree · 06-20-2006, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostnalone95

now i remember why i have spent so much of my life burying my feelings....repressing them.....bottling them up.....should i do that now to protect them from me.....put my anger and negative feelings on hold until they leave home..

Hi lost,

My own personal view is that you and your kids are in more danger if you bury and repress your feelings than if you express them -- in a healthy way. Stuffing feelings never ends well. It can result in depression, illness, anxiety, anger management issues, etc. etc. When you find positive ways to release and express anger, you defuse it, and make room for more in your body and your life.

You did that today -- you let it out with your therapist. That's an appropriate place to release it. As Anna said, you've done it here with us. Again -- good instincts. Other ways like journaling, exercise, etc are there too.

And again, as Anna said, awareness is the important first step. You're now recognizing the anger in you, and that's the critical tool in being able to work with it, and also control it in situations you want to protect those you love.

best
gf

Erin · 06-20-2006, 08:56 PM

Speaking from someone who's growing through a really crappy break up - trust me after reading your posts doesn't even comes close...

The anger is great!!!!! Get all the crap out - ie. a punching bag, therapists office whatever. Your natural 'I need to protect myself' because someone has messed with me.

I think it's awesome that you haven't resorted to drinking!!!!!!!! You rock!!!!!!!! The end of the storm will be near.

You haven't taken it out on your kids and you recognize you don't want too. Great!!!!!!!

I'm trying to think of the dumb a&! that I've broken up with and being a great step my new sober life. I'm trying to take care of myself and not his c&%p and his chaos.

You are strong and courageous.

I've started a journal to get rid of all the baggage from being with a guy for three years who's cheated a few times, caught in a few lies. This I think is a part of my healing process. I'll take my home, my career, and my cat over him any day.

Good on you!!!

Mel77 · 06-20-2006, 09:29 PM

lostnalone95

I hope your day has turned out somewhat ok. I too like some of the others am going through a breakup. I too have been extremly angry, but i have not yet learned how to not take it out on her. I have been a total a$$. I am trying to get over the anger. I am envious that you have ways to deal with it that dont envolve trying to hurt the person who hurt you.

Keep your head up, us nice peeps dont have to finish last..

Thinking of you
Mel

***indigo*** · 06-21-2006, 06:22 AM

I hope things pick up for you soon.

indigo

Kahlia · 06-21-2006, 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostnalone95

i think the title of this thread says it all--i give up!!!!! everytime i think that i am moving forward things are getting better even if it is only minutely something happens and i feel like i am being pushed 20 steps backwards....and i am so damned sick and tired of it!!!!! sick and tired of hurting, crying, being angry....everything!!!!!! why is it that my husbands life is getting so much better now that he is living with his ***** and our lives (the kids and mine) keeps getting worse??? anybody got an answer for that one????? cause i sure don't get it.....i was a good wife, i put my kids and husband before myself, i didn't have an affair....yet my life has been shattered into a gagillion billion pieces and my kids are just as fu**ed up emotionally as i am and my husband is walking around with a smile on his face because he knows that after he vidits the kids he gets to go back to the whores house, where he now lives and have sex with her and her **** friend. he is off having threesomes and god know what else happy as a flipping lark and the three of us are still sooooo dizzy from the chaos that has been caused that we can't even see straight. i'm telling ya, i am really at the give up point.......i played by the rules and i got shi* on again which seems to be my lot in life and i am really getting sick and tired of playing by tbe rules and getting the short end of the stick every freaking time!!!! know what i mean!!!!

Dear Lost-I can READ the anger in your post....that is a GOOD thing...who gives a DAMN what he is doing, if he is having 3-somes with his (girlfriend} and HER girlfriend, WHAT are YOU really missing HERE??? Not much, I had a similar situation a few years ago, cried my heart out, thought my life was over, on and on....then I realized one day...HIS life was still moving right along and I was the one that was doing all that grieving and crying and being so angry etc....NOT HIM...that told me something......HE was NOT worth it.....get your children together, get yourself together and start realizing WHAT DID you have with HIM......NOT TOO DAMN much, I bet. All relationships , I think go through this mourning period, even if they are not good ones, just because they are OVER...be glad, this one is...you may move on and fine some one that does not have 2 other women ....anyway, you know what I am saying, he may be a real good man. I have one after one like you just are mourning over....I am not in any way making fun of you, you have to do what you have to do that makes you feel better to get past this stage....do it and MOVE ON..your children need you, YOU need you.......PEACE....Kahlia

Arura · 06-21-2006, 11:02 AM

Your in my thoughts, remember your far stronger than he will
ever be.Your a Mother,survier im sure.!

Ive had Ex's do that to me,to make me feel like S~~t.
But the tide always truns.....

lostnalone95 · 06-21-2006, 05:43 PM

well another day and another round of fighting with my jerk of a husband.....i am getting so sick and tired of this mess and his pain in the a$$ girlfriend. the latest......she convinced him last night that our agreement to not have lawyers involved in this situation is unacceptable and because we are getting divorced and because niether of the kids belong to him biologically and i refuse to allow him to take them to her house for visitation and let her spend time with them he shouldn't pay child support. so mr. pus**whipped when out yesterday evening and hired a lawyer....which the ***** is paying for.....told me today that he opened a checking account and has switched his dirct deposits to go to the new account (another of her idea's), and told me that he will not sign any paperwork at all that obligates him to any form of child support and i will have to just trust him to help me support the kids. then to top it all off he has the nerve to scream and yell at me when i told him that i don't trust him as far as i can throw him then he proceeds to tell me that this whole entire situation is my fault because if i wouldn't have made him choose between her and me and if would have just shared him with her then he would still be at home and he never would have gone back on his promise that if he did ever leave me it wouldn't be until our daughter was 18 years old. over the last few months he has turned into a person that i don't even remotely recognize he has become immature, selfish, selfcentered, untrustworthy, he is nothing like the man that i fell in love with over 12 years ago the man that chose to be a father to my children. i don't know after this latest development i may very well go ahead and move to columbus after all. considering his current attitude and the fact that he is more that willing to let the ***** call all the shots i really don't think that he has the right to have any say in where the kids and i live. i don't know she must really be good in bed or something because she definately has a lot of control over him and i know that i never has that kind of control, when we were together he still had a set of balls, now he doesn't she definately wears the pants in that house.

**51anna** · 06-21-2006, 06:58 PM

Lost,

I'm sure there will be lots more ups and downs before you get through this. And, the situation is that you're not dealing with your husband only, but with your husband and his girlfriend. That's really hard. But, you'll make it.

As far as thinking of moving, it's good to keep an idea like that in mind, but you probably shouldn't rush into anything right now.

lostnalone95 · 06-22-2006, 10:31 AM

well after today moving is looking better and better infact moving to virgina is looking better and better at least that way i can be with my nana and mama and i would feel so much better being with them the only down side would be that i would be leaving my dad here in indiana and i don't want to do that his health isn't great and it has been really hard on him since my mom's death dec of 2003. it's kind of confusing sometimes having two sets of parents...my biological ones....and then my "foster" ones....the ones that i met when i was a teenager who took me in and loved me and taught me the important lessions in life and in many ways saved me from myself.....mama has always been more loving and supportive than my own mom ever was but both days always loved me.....anyway.....the reason moving is looking better and better......found out the husband told me yet another pack of lies......yesterday he said that he hired a lawyer the day before......today i got served with divorce papers that were filed last week by a lawyer.....geee the math just doesn't add up......what a shock........and attached to the papers a notorized letter stating that as long as i refuse to let my children have any contact with his girlfriend and visit his girlfriends house he will not pay child support because i am being unreasonable by not allowing them to meet her and be involved in the most important parts of his new life. i am so angry right now that i truely just want to smash everything i can get my hands on. everyday i loose more and more respect for him.

michski · 06-22-2006, 10:41 AM

Take all the support you can where ever you can find it! It's time for you to take care of yourself first with your kids. You are lucky to have so many people who do love you and I pray you'll bask in the sunshine of their love.

You certainly do have a full plate emotionally, but as someone else said, you will pull through this time of devastation shining and wiser for the pain. It may not seem possible now but you are strong, strongest, stronger!

Please keep posting!

Doodlebug · 06-22-2006, 08:27 PM

I figured this would happen with the child support issue. However, You can get alimoney from the a$$hole. Hire a lawyer and name her as Mistress and responsible for the "alienation of affection". She will be dragged through a lot of mud before it is over and you will most likely win some support from him and possibley a settlement from her. Go for it girl. Time to fight dirty.

GettingFree · 06-22-2006, 08:44 PM

Lost,

I agree with michski. Getting support from those who best know how to give it will be the most loving thing to do for yourself and your children. I understand your conflict about your father, but hopefully he will understand that taking care of you and the kids is your primary concern now.

gf

Lollipop · 06-22-2006, 08:49 PM

Quote:

I figured this would happen with the child support issue. However, You can get alimoney from the a$$hole. Hire a lawyer and name her as Mistress and responsible for the "alienation of affection". She will be dragged through a lot of mud before it is over and you will most likely win some support from him and possibley a settlement from her. Go for it girl. Time to fight dirty.

I agree 150%
First of all, I gotta say this..........your angry.........get PISSED!!!! Turn the anger into positive energy!!!! The B**** wants to run him, let her, if he has done to you and the kids what he has and had the balls to tell you it is YOUR fault because you wouldnt "Share" him?!!!!!??? then let him be HER problem now........YOU and the KIDS deserve better!!!!!

Hire a lawyer, put it in there that HE gets to pay for it, the worst that can happen is that the judge will deny the request but I cant see ANY judge in their right mind doing so given the circumstances. If the kids are not biologically his, then you can do whatever you want and go wherever you want without his permission!!! So GOOOOOO if thats what you need!!!! Personally, it sounds to me like his ***** has some weird hold over him and he is definately NOT the man you thought he was........And remember chances are, if he cheated on you, he most likely is going to cheat on her......

Most importantly, the KIDS......do you even really want him in their lives if he is this way? what kind of example is he setting, we all know that kids are NOT stupid and eventually they will figure it out (if not already) do you want them to grow up thinking that this is acceptable behavior?????

I am usually the one that says fair is fair and nobody has the right to screw ANYONE over, but sounds to me like he has already done that to not only you, but the kids...........Fight Fire with FIRE!!!!

Stay strong and keep us posted!!!! My heart goes out to you and the kids!!!! BTW when you said Columbus....did you mean ohio???? Im in ohio myself, just curious!

Liss

Doodlebug · 06-23-2006, 05:02 AM

Lollipop is right on target Lost! OK.. The damage is done to you. That's part of history and you cannot change it. So pick yourself up and fight girl. Quit the crying and get your ammunition ready sister.

You have a lot more in your favor than you think. What he did right under your nose is illegal. Plain and simple. He openly and aggressivly breached your contract. What she did is illegal. It is not legal to alienate a persons spouse. OK. Well good for them. They deserve each other in my opinion. Now you need to think of yourself and your children's future. But as we know, everything costs money and you need to get some from him and her.

Yes... He is going to be saddled with not only his, but your attorney fee. SO get a good one. He probably does not know that, but he is going to have to pay. You may have to come up with the retainer money, but he will get the rest of the bill.

As for the kids, I agree with Lollipop 150%. What the heck do you want him in their lives for? To follow his example? Certainly not. He has no right to see those kids. As for allowing them to visit her in her home? Come on! THey are living in a lewd and illicit situation. No judge would agree to allow them to be subjected to that.

Play every single card you have girl. The poor loving devoted wife, wronged by this philanderer and his jezabel!!!! Save your crying for the courtroom where it will do you some good! The judge will eat it up! Right now you need to be tough as nails.

06-20-2006, 05:17 AM	#1 (permalink)
lostnalone95 found NOT lost Join Date: May 2006 Location: a happier place than before!!!! Posts: 894	i give up i think the title of this thread says it all--i give up!!!!! everytime i think that i am moving forward things are getting better even if it is only minutely something happens and i feel like i am being pushed 20 steps backwards....and i am so damned sick and tired of it!!!!! sick and tired of hurting, crying, being angry....everything!!!!!! why is it that my husbands life is getting so much better now that he is living with his *** and our lives (the kids and mine) keeps getting worse??? anybody got an answer for that one????? cause i sure don't get it.....i was a good wife, i put my kids and husband before myself, i didn't have an affair....yet my life has been shattered into a gagillion billion pieces and my kids are just as fued up emotionally as i am and my husband is walking around with a smile on his face because he knows that after he vidits the kids he gets to go back to the whores house, where he now lives and have sex with her and her **** friend. he is off having threesomes and god know what else happy as a flipping lark and the three of us are still sooooo dizzy from the chaos that has been caused that we can't even see straight. i'm telling ya, i am really at the give up point.......i played by the rules and i got shi* on again which seems to be my lot in life and i am really getting sick and tired of playing by tbe rules and getting the short end of the stick every freaking time!!!! know what i mean!!!! __________________ not so lost and definitely not so alone anymore!!!!! SR ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!! riding the coaster for FUN now!!!!!!

06-20-2006, 05:43 AM	#2 (permalink)
51anna Forum Leader Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 11,160	Oh lost, I'm sorry things look dismal right now. I guess the simple answer is that life isn't fair, it just isn't. Things happen and we just have to deal with them. And, it's how we deal with the stuff that life throws our way that matters. From your viewpoint, your husband has things going his way right now. But, you need to remember that you are person who did the right thing. Your husband cheated on you and left for another woman. He has to live with that. You were a good wife and you're trying hard to maintain a home and family life for your children now that your husband has gone. You are doing the right thing and what needs to be done. Take pride in that. Things will get better. __________________ Anna "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou

06-20-2006, 06:07 AM	#3 (permalink)
CarolD Forum Leader Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Dallas, Ga. USA Posts: 15,398	Not all loves are forever. You are a wonderful person who will come out of this sick marriage even stronger. There is hope and healing for you and your children. Get involved in AA..you know that is where your solutions are. __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!

06-20-2006, 06:09 AM	#4 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: central Florida Posts: 7,289 Blog Entries: 5	hugs! I can't add anything to what has been said, just want you to know I am thinking of you. __________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters

06-20-2006, 08:44 AM	#6 (permalink)
kali ma Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Connecticut Posts: 137	I can't add anything either. My thoughts are with you... __________________ Katie AKA Kali Ma (Goddess of Change) â€œWhen you get into a tight place and...it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and the time that the tide will turn.â€ -Harriet Beecher Stowe

06-20-2006, 08:18 AM	#5 (permalink)
GettingFree Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Canada Posts: 690	Hey lost, I'm sorry you're at a low point. It won't last. It may be hard to believe that right now, but it's normal to have this kind of up and down when you're going through this kind of transition. You're in the middle of a very traumatic change that is at its peak. And it will get better. You are choosing a life that's authentic, and with that authenticity is pain. But the rewards can be so much: real, genuine connections with others and mostly, with yourself. Your husband on the other hand is choosing another path, anything but authenticity, and one that helps him run away from and avoid pain. The so-called happiness you see your husband experiencing, chances are it's not the whole story. In fact, he may want to ensure that's what you're thinking and go out of his way when he's around you to communicate that. From what you've shared, his gf is a controlling, bitter person who is as deep in her addiction as your husband. And whtever 'happiness' you see is almost certainly not going to be permanent. It's like looking at someone who's drunk or high out partying. It can look like they're having a wonderful time out there, but the real story is something far different. Almost guaranteed he will spike high and then sink very low -- it's what addicts do. As to playing by the rules and still getting s**t on -- be careful of sinking into a victim role. I can understand -- it does feel unfair and it's so easy to think "Why me? I did everything right!" Eventually I had to look at this question by looking inside me and start asking questions. Why did this happen? Did it just 'happen' to me? Why did I choose certain people, certain partners, my husbands? What was it about me 'then' that brought me to the place I am now. What did I not know then, that I do know now? Hang in...you're a great mom, a strong person, and have a lot to offer your family, yourself, and quite likely someone else in the future. You deserve a lot more, and you'll get it. best gf

06-20-2006, 02:29 PM	#7 (permalink)
lostnalone95 found NOT lost Join Date: May 2006 Location: a happier place than before!!!! Posts: 894	you know i went to therapy today.....and out of what felt like nowhere so much anger came rushing out of my mouth that i was floored. i didn't walk into the office angry....i walked in sad....missing the man that i fell in love with all those years ago.....but that isn't what ended up coming out. now don't get me wrong...i felt much much better after i expressed that anger but i am puzzled because i didn't realize that i felt it, i didn't realize that it was there......i thought that i was "in touch" with my feelings that i had a pretty good handle on my emotions.....maybe i don't after all and if i don't should i be scared? am i capable of "loosing it" and unleashing my anger on my kids? that thought terrifies me.....now i remember why i have spent so much of my life burying my feelings....repressing them.....bottling them up.....should i do that now to protect them from me.....put my anger and negative feelings on hold until they leave home......i don't want to lash out at them when it isn't them that i am so incrediably angry at........it is him i don't know what to do....i am so damned confused and sick and tired of being confused.....i would love to have just a few days that are pain free at this point that all just a break from the pain and the confusion that is all....is that too much to ask? __________________ not so lost and definitely not so alone anymore!!!!! SR ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!! riding the coaster for FUN now!!!!!!

06-20-2006, 03:59 PM	#8 (permalink)
51anna Forum Leader Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 11,160	Lost, I admire the way you are handling this situation. It's been dumped on you and you're working your way through a real mess to try to make a good life for you and your kids. I am going to say this will love in my heart - you are angry. Go back to the first post in this thread and re-read it. That is a very angry woman. And, I'm so glad that you came to see that today. You have every right to be angry because your life was turned upside down overnight and you have a lot of responsibility now. And, no I don't think it means you're going to lose it. And, being 'aware' is a big step. You can acknowledge your feelings, express them in a healthy way and move on. Exercise is great, music can help, whatever works for you. You're doing great! __________________ Anna "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou

06-20-2006, 08:56 PM	#10 (permalink)
Erin Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Vancouver, BC Posts: 161	Speaking from someone who's growing through a really crappy break up - trust me after reading your posts doesn't even comes close... The anger is great!!!!! Get all the crap out - ie. a punching bag, therapists office whatever. Your natural 'I need to protect myself' because someone has messed with me. I think it's awesome that you haven't resorted to drinking!!!!!!!! You rock!!!!!!!! The end of the storm will be near. You haven't taken it out on your kids and you recognize you don't want too. Great!!!!!!! I'm trying to think of the dumb a&! that I've broken up with and being a great step my new sober life. I'm trying to take care of myself and not his c&%p and his chaos. You are strong and courageous. I've started a journal to get rid of all the baggage from being with a guy for three years who's cheated a few times, caught in a few lies. This I think is a part of my healing process. I'll take my home, my career, and my cat over him any day. Good on you!!!

06-20-2006, 09:29 PM	#11 (permalink)
Mel77 Way out there Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Deer Park, Texas Posts: 115	lostnalone95 I hope your day has turned out somewhat ok. I too like some of the others am going through a breakup. I too have been extremly angry, but i have not yet learned how to not take it out on her. I have been a total a$$. I am trying to get over the anger. I am envious that you have ways to deal with it that dont envolve trying to hurt the person who hurt you. Keep your head up, us nice peeps dont have to finish last.. Thinking of you Mel

06-21-2006, 06:22 AM	#12 (permalink)
*indigo* Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,146	I hope things pick up for you soon. indigo __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

06-21-2006, 11:02 AM	#14 (permalink)
Arura Trying to do the right thing. Join Date: May 2006 Location: London Posts: 4,354	Your in my thoughts, remember your far stronger than he will ever be.Your a Mother,survier im sure.! Ive had Ex's do that to me,to make me feel like S~~t. But the tide always truns..... __________________ Weve come along way and were Changing day by day We DO Recover. We can Recover...!

06-21-2006, 05:43 PM	#15 (permalink)
lostnalone95 found NOT lost Join Date: May 2006 Location: a happier place than before!!!! Posts: 894	well another day and another round of fighting with my jerk of a husband.....i am getting so sick and tired of this mess and his pain in the a$$ girlfriend. the latest......she convinced him last night that our agreement to not have lawyers involved in this situation is unacceptable and because we are getting divorced and because niether of the kids belong to him biologically and i refuse to allow him to take them to her house for visitation and let her spend time with them he shouldn't pay child support. so mr. puswhipped when out yesterday evening and hired a lawyer....which the * is paying for.....told me today that he opened a checking account and has switched his dirct deposits to go to the new account (another of her idea's), and told me that he will not sign any paperwork at all that obligates him to any form of child support and i will have to just trust him to help me support the kids. then to top it all off he has the nerve to scream and yell at me when i told him that i don't trust him as far as i can throw him then he proceeds to tell me that this whole entire situation is my fault because if i wouldn't have made him choose between her and me and if would have just shared him with her then he would still be at home and he never would have gone back on his promise that if he did ever leave me it wouldn't be until our daughter was 18 years old. over the last few months he has turned into a person that i don't even remotely recognize he has become immature, selfish, selfcentered, untrustworthy, he is nothing like the man that i fell in love with over 12 years ago the man that chose to be a father to my children. i don't know after this latest development i may very well go ahead and move to columbus after all. considering his current attitude and the fact that he is more that willing to let the *** call all the shots i really don't think that he has the right to have any say in where the kids and i live. i don't know she must really be good in bed or something because she definately has a lot of control over him and i know that i never has that kind of control, when we were together he still had a set of balls, now he doesn't she definately wears the pants in that house. __________________ not so lost and definitely not so alone anymore!!!!! SR ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!! riding the coaster for FUN now!!!!!!

06-21-2006, 06:58 PM	#16 (permalink)
51anna Forum Leader Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 11,160	Lost, I'm sure there will be lots more ups and downs before you get through this. And, the situation is that you're not dealing with your husband only, but with your husband and his girlfriend. That's really hard. But, you'll make it. As far as thinking of moving, it's good to keep an idea like that in mind, but you probably shouldn't rush into anything right now. __________________ Anna "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou

06-22-2006, 10:31 AM	#17 (permalink)
lostnalone95 found NOT lost Join Date: May 2006 Location: a happier place than before!!!! Posts: 894	well after today moving is looking better and better infact moving to virgina is looking better and better at least that way i can be with my nana and mama and i would feel so much better being with them the only down side would be that i would be leaving my dad here in indiana and i don't want to do that his health isn't great and it has been really hard on him since my mom's death dec of 2003. it's kind of confusing sometimes having two sets of parents...my biological ones....and then my "foster" ones....the ones that i met when i was a teenager who took me in and loved me and taught me the important lessions in life and in many ways saved me from myself.....mama has always been more loving and supportive than my own mom ever was but both days always loved me.....anyway.....the reason moving is looking better and better......found out the husband told me yet another pack of lies......yesterday he said that he hired a lawyer the day before......today i got served with divorce papers that were filed last week by a lawyer.....geee the math just doesn't add up......what a shock........and attached to the papers a notorized letter stating that as long as i refuse to let my children have any contact with his girlfriend and visit his girlfriends house he will not pay child support because i am being unreasonable by not allowing them to meet her and be involved in the most important parts of his new life. i am so angry right now that i truely just want to smash everything i can get my hands on. everyday i loose more and more respect for him. __________________ not so lost and definitely not so alone anymore!!!!! SR ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!! riding the coaster for FUN now!!!!!!

06-22-2006, 10:41 AM	#18 (permalink)
michski Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: California Posts: 977	Take all the support you can where ever you can find it! It's time for you to take care of yourself first with your kids. You are lucky to have so many people who do love you and I pray you'll bask in the sunshine of their love. You certainly do have a full plate emotionally, but as someone else said, you will pull through this time of devastation shining and wiser for the pain. It may not seem possible now but you are strong, strongest, stronger! Please keep posting! __________________ Fake it til you make it!

06-22-2006, 08:27 PM	#19 (permalink)
Doodlebug Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Chicago, Illinois Posts: 153	I figured this would happen with the child support issue. However, You can get alimoney from the a$$hole. Hire a lawyer and name her as Mistress and responsible for the "alienation of affection". She will be dragged through a lot of mud before it is over and you will most likely win some support from him and possibley a settlement from her. Go for it girl. Time to fight dirty.

06-22-2006, 08:44 PM	#20 (permalink)
GettingFree Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Canada Posts: 690	Lost, I agree with michski. Getting support from those who best know how to give it will be the most loving thing to do for yourself and your children. I understand your conflict about your father, but hopefully he will understand that taking care of you and the kids is your primary concern now. gf

06-23-2006, 05:02 AM	#22 (permalink)
Doodlebug Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Chicago, Illinois Posts: 153	Lollipop is right on target Lost! OK.. The damage is done to you. That's part of history and you cannot change it. So pick yourself up and fight girl. Quit the crying and get your ammunition ready sister. You have a lot more in your favor than you think. What he did right under your nose is illegal. Plain and simple. He openly and aggressivly breached your contract. What she did is illegal. It is not legal to alienate a persons spouse. OK. Well good for them. They deserve each other in my opinion. Now you need to think of yourself and your children's future. But as we know, everything costs money and you need to get some from him and her. Yes... He is going to be saddled with not only his, but your attorney fee. SO get a good one. He probably does not know that, but he is going to have to pay. You may have to come up with the retainer money, but he will get the rest of the bill. As for the kids, I agree with Lollipop 150%. What the heck do you want him in their lives for? To follow his example? Certainly not. He has no right to see those kids. As for allowing them to visit her in her home? Come on! THey are living in a lewd and illicit situation. No judge would agree to allow them to be subjected to that. Play every single card you have girl. The poor loving devoted wife, wronged by this philanderer and his jezabel!!!! Save your crying for the courtroom where it will do you some good! The judge will eat it up! Right now you need to be tough as nails.

06-23-2006, 05:27 AM	#23 (permalink)
equus Member Join Date: Oct 200