is he killing me or am I doing it to myself

[zoomer]

I smoke. It's bad for me. The carbonmonoxside builds up. It's winter time here and my husand leaves his van running,is it to kill me or save me from my addiction. He bought me ciggatts today and coffee. Should I not touch them. There is a war out in the world. Is it better to be all clogged up so not to breath in the poisan. I ask himwhy he gives the kids binidrill so much, he said because a nieghbor a friend suggest it it when she wanted her girls to sleep. She told me thats hat she did. I made him stop giving the kids binidrill,but hes back at it again. He likes to make sure we all have somethng to make us sleepy. Maybe we are allhyperactive and are too much for him. I don't know if this is some form of theyripy from my shirnks becausethey are trying tosave my life and no one told me I was dying. I don't want to die please please I m scard. I don't want my children taken from me becuse I'm crazy and a drunk. I'll never get them back.

[zoomer]

he said he would only get married once in his life, did he know I wasdying and could not live without me. Is the doctors trying to save me? I know I have not been the best mom,but I don't deserve to have my kids gone again. Please if you are helping me,don't take my babies,I'll die with out them.

[Paulie]

zoomer is someone trying to take your children???

You know how I feel, I want you to reach out in your community and ask for help. Call your therapist and ask for help, you have to be honest and tell her how you are feeling.

No-one has told you that you are dying, you told me that yourself.

Take life one day at a time and try not to worry about things that have not happend yet.

Hang in there my friend, stop drinking and find a meeting today!
you are in my thoughts and prayers!

[liveweyerd]

Zoomer,

hello!

Maybe, dear friend, your chemistry is messed up and it is messing with your thinking.
Without my meds, I become very depressed and anxious and my thinking is totally different than it is when my chemistry is more or less right. I struggle with it all the time and I do mean ALL THE TIME, keeping my chemistry from getting too out of whack. I just am not willing to get that miserable..and the only thing I can do about it is to be very aware of my chemistry.
If you have been drinking, that messes with your meds, y'know? I simply cannot drink, not because I crave it or abuse it but because it reacts badly with the meds I need so much.

I smoke like a chimney. That is my fatal addiction. I ask people to buy my cigs for me...and they do, not because they want me to die...but because I asked them too and I am going to smoke anyway, whether they want me to or not....it is not their decision to decide that I can't smoke so they won't buy me cigs...that would only anger and alienate me if they refused..why jeopardize the relationship over something like that when I am going to do it anyway?
gotta go.....

live

Zoomer,

I've talked to you long enough to know that there is something wrong here.

One is that you went off of all your medication except for one. It may be that it isn't working and you need to take more medication.

Another reason may be because your drinking again. If you are you need to do what it takes to quit drinking or there may be a real possibililty that you will lose your children if someone files a report against you.

You are not dying. That fear is a symptom of your PTSD. You know that you and I have delicate minds that need protection. It doesn't sound like you are protecting yours right now.

So tell us the truth about what's going on so we can support you. Our recovery has to begin with honesty.

Love and hugs,
MG

[Juls]

Zoomer,

I'm concerned for you. I don't know much about your history, as regards to meds, mental health, etc. You sound very scared about things. I freak out too about stuff. My big fear has to do with the world coming to an end, either by nuclear, terrorist, or collision of the planets. I am serious. I get so anxiety ridden about this stuff that there are times when I cannot move off the couch. I don't know why I get this way.

Substance abuse does not help. I care about you, and I have really enjoyed interacting with you here on the board.

I hope you can get some help.

Juls