real friends in recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

amymarie · 06-18-2006, 12:00 PM

I don't think I truly understood the depth of friendship until just now.
I relapsed yesterday (read other post) and in that process did something sneaky (surprise there huh?) to a woman in recovery. I called to tell her and try to make it right; the whole time worried that I had just burned another bridge...
She welcomed my apology, said 'now lets move forward'...and invited me to go berry picking with her next weekend!!!!!

She treats me as though it never happened...maybe I should try that!
You women rock, and I am going to try my best to introduce myself to you as best I can. That fear inside of me that you wont like me just got a little weaker....
I love you all.

TheGirlInside · 06-18-2006, 12:22 PM

Aren't people who take recovery to heart Awesome!!

I used to not trust women...I had no female friends for about 4 years, because I had been burned so much, by lifesucking backstabbing whores (in my more spiritual moments...by sick, hurting fellow humans...gag).

But then, I came across a woman with strength like I've never known. I shied away from her for a while, but she just hung in there, waiting for me to come around. We tell each other things that I never thought I could talk about with anyone else!
In recovery, I've formed strong friendships with two women, and can share anything with them, even the most shameful things. They show me dignity and respect like no one else. Oh, and have a couple close male friends in AA as well...I find that I like men who aren't afraid to express emotion.

I find that I am drawn to women who exude inner strength by their words, appearance and actions. That tells me that I would like to be more strong, i.e. not let people take advantage of me as I have in the past.

Thanks for the kudos, and know I'm happy for you, in that you turned to the "right" person in your time of need.

Love always is...it doesn't die, it just moves.

Kari

CarolD · 06-18-2006, 12:28 PM

I do not have a blood sister...but
in aA recovery I have countless!!...

***Anna*** · 06-18-2006, 12:36 PM

Amymarie,

I am so glad you have a supportive friend.

Like so many other women who post here, I never had any women friends. Even back in high school, I always felt more comfortable with guys and just never connected with other women. I would alternately make excuses or blame the other women as to why I couldn't feel close to them.

And, then I came here, spent a little time in Newcomers and moved into the Women's Forum and right away I met a woman who helped change my life. She guided me with love, generosity and endless patience. As time went on, I met many women here who are among the best people I have ever known in my life. Now, I know the reason I never had any woman friends was never about the other women, it was always about me.

amymarie · 06-18-2006, 12:40 PM

Thanks ladies! I agree that my reasoning has always been an excuse. I seem to know how to manipulate men more than women...(go figure) so I also tend to grab on to the easier of the two...

I have to make changes and soon. Nothing changes if nothing changes...or so I have heard recently.

I look forward to learning all there is to know about how to be a true friend - both to myself and to you....

dollhouse · 07-08-2006, 10:59 AM

Hello there,Iam new to this.But here goes.....Like many addicts,it is hard to make new real friends.As a women in recovery I didn't trust woman....So for me it is very hard to make friends......All of my useing days I felt I lived in a bubble.More like my own HELL.I guess what Iam trying to say is that one thing I have been given in recovery is the freedom to make/have girl friends.Making real friends in recovery is a great feeling.They r real and they welcome u with open arms,no matter what u do.....Any way just want to respond and reach out.......Carring the message.

***Anna*** · 07-08-2006, 11:24 AM

It continues to surprise me how many times I hear the women on this board make the comment that we never trusted or were friends with other women. But, upon finding sobriety, we realize the connections that we have with our ' sisters'. Because we change as people, we can now connect with other women in a way that we never could before.

prairierose · 07-08-2006, 01:36 PM

I know what you mean, my "friendships" when I was active were so shallow and superficial compared to what I have with other sober women now.

amymarie · 07-10-2006, 07:01 AM

I spent the whole weekend around my women friends and had the most serene, uninhibited free weekend that I have ever had...
I was contstantly pulled outta my head and my thoughts and focusing on right now....
I can't wait to see my new aquaintences again. What an awesome time...what an awesome reward!

06-18-2006, 12:00 PM	#1 (permalink)
amymarie No more hostages Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: houston Posts: 788	real friends in recovery I don't think I truly understood the depth of friendship until just now. I relapsed yesterday (read other post) and in that process did something sneaky (surprise there huh?) to a woman in recovery. I called to tell her and try to make it right; the whole time worried that I had just burned another bridge... She welcomed my apology, said 'now lets move forward'...and invited me to go berry picking with her next weekend!!!!! She treats me as though it never happened...maybe I should try that! You women rock, and I am going to try my best to introduce myself to you as best I can. That fear inside of me that you wont like me just got a little weaker.... I love you all. __________________ recovery begins with a willingness to do whatever it takes... and for me that means WHATEVER it takes...

06-18-2006, 12:28 PM	#3 (permalink)
CarolD Forward we go...side by side Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Serene In Dixie Posts: 37,601	I do not have a blood sister...but in aA recovery I have countless!!... __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!

06-18-2006, 12:36 PM	#4 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 27,837	Amymarie, I am so glad you have a supportive friend. Like so many other women who post here, I never had any women friends. Even back in high school, I always felt more comfortable with guys and just never connected with other women. I would alternately make excuses or blame the other women as to why I couldn't feel close to them. And, then I came here, spent a little time in Newcomers and moved into the Women's Forum and right away I met a woman who helped change my life. She guided me with love, generosity and endless patience. As time went on, I met many women here who are among the best people I have ever known in my life. Now, I know the reason I never had any woman friends was never about the other women, it was always about me. __________________ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Marianne Willianson

06-18-2006, 12:40 PM	#5 (permalink)
amymarie No more hostages Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: houston Posts: 788	Thanks ladies! I agree that my reasoning has always been an excuse. I seem to know how to manipulate men more than women...(go figure) so I also tend to grab on to the easier of the two... I have to make changes and soon. Nothing changes if nothing changes...or so I have heard recently. I look forward to learning all there is to know about how to be a true friend - both to myself and to you.... __________________ recovery begins with a willingness to do whatever it takes... and for me that means WHATEVER it takes...

07-08-2006, 10:59 AM	#6 (permalink)
dollhouse dollhouse Join Date: May 2006 Location: hamilton,ontario Posts: 39	Real friends Hello there,Iam new to this.But here goes.....Like many addicts,it is hard to make new real friends.As a women in recovery I didn't trust woman....So for me it is very hard to make friends......All of my useing days I felt I lived in a bubble.More like my own HELL.I guess what Iam trying to say is that one thing I have been given in recovery is the freedom to make/have girl friends.Making real friends in recovery is a great feeling.They r real and they welcome u with open arms,no matter what u do.....Any way just want to respond and reach out.......Carring the message.

06-18-2006, 12:22 PM	#2 (permalink)
TheGirlInside In Recovery Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Upper Midwest Posts: 259	Aren't people who take recovery to heart Awesome!! I used to not trust women...I had no female friends for about 4 years, because I had been burned so much, by lifesucking backstabbing whores (in my more spiritual moments...by sick, hurting fellow humans...gag). But then, I came across a woman with strength like I've never known. I shied away from her for a while, but she just hung in there, waiting for me to come around. We tell each other things that I never thought I could talk about with anyone else! In recovery, I've formed strong friendships with two women, and can share anything with them, even the most shameful things. They show me dignity and respect like no one else. Oh, and have a couple close male friends in AA as well...I find that I like men who aren't afraid to express emotion. I find that I am drawn to women who exude inner strength by their words, appearance and actions. That tells me that I would like to be more strong, i.e. not let people take advantage of me as I have in the past. Thanks for the kudos, and know I'm happy for you, in that you turned to the "right" person in your time of need. Love always is...it doesn't die, it just moves. Kari

07-08-2006, 11:24 AM	#7 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 27,837	It continues to surprise me how many times I hear the women on this board make the comment that we never trusted or were friends with other women. But, upon finding sobriety, we realize the connections that we have with our ' sisters'. Because we change as people, we can now connect with other women in a way that we never could before. __________________ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Marianne Willianson

07-08-2006, 01:36 PM	#8 (permalink)
prairierose Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Philadelphia, PA Posts: 34	I know what you mean, my "friendships" when I was active were so shallow and superficial compared to what I have with other sober women now.

07-10-2006, 07:01 AM	#9 (permalink)
amymarie No more hostages Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: houston Posts: 788	I spent the whole weekend around my women friends and had the most serene, uninhibited free weekend that I have ever had... I was contstantly pulled outta my head and my thoughts and focusing on right now.... I can't wait to see my new aquaintences again. What an awesome time...what an awesome reward! __________________ recovery begins with a willingness to do whatever it takes... and for me that means WHATEVER it takes...

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