I hate my life :(

[Lizzy]

I don't know if this will be the last time i'm in here .. i have been given some ultimatums by my husband .. i can't blame him i guess - i'm a drunk and i can't seem to help myself no matter what i do. I go to meetings, i pray every day, i try not to drink and i can't help it, i6t just happens.

He told me this morning bqasically to get the "****" out of his life if i can't stop drinking cause he doesn't want to live like this anymore. I'm sorry for swearing, i don't and i apologize to everyone for it but i am just soooooooo frustrated right now, hurt and angry with myself. Sooooo i guess that's what i'll be doing cause i can't ... he says it's useless me going back into treatment, he doesn't think that's what i need ...

He's been going to Al-Anon meetings every week .. I guess they've really helped him a lot but they sure as hell aren't helping me. And yeah, i'm having a pity party right now ... sorry

I thought that my having a drink once in a while wouldn't matter .. wouldn't show ... i know i have changed in many ways but i guess not enough since he knows "all" it seems.

I'm rambling again, sorry, i just have to get this all out cause i'm going crazy here - once again. God i hate this - i hate myself, i hate my life and obviously my husband hates me too ...

So i just wanted to thank yoiu all for your support and understanding ... this is a great forum and i wish you all another 24 hours of sobriety .. obviously i can't do it.....

Take care all .. love you ...

Liz....

[Juls]

Hi Liz,

I can feel your pain, and know that your really struggling. I'm not a drunk, but a drug addict. I've struggled for three years now, mostly hiding it. I have felt too that I am hopeless, but I pray I'm not. I pray to God, and have attended meetings, but I have to be honest and say that I've never really worked the program as suggested, never even came close.

I don't have any really good advice for you, but I hope that something positive will happen in your life soon. Right now I am clean and sober, and I'm feeling o.k.

Juls

[Paulie]

Hey Lizzy -

I am sorry that you are in such pain. But don't give up before the miracle happens. I am a drug addict blessed to be in recovery. I used to live in my car for a while until we traded that for drugs then we were homeless! I have been blessed to be sober for 7 1/2 years, I tell youthat just to show you hope, it can happen. Don't give up on yourself. What your husband does is up to him, take care of you first. If he says that he cannot put up with your drinking, maybe he is taking care of himself first, you need to do the same.

You are just as much a gift of god that I am and you deserve sobriety.

You go to meetings? but do you work a program. Do you have a sponsor? I suggest that you get one and start working the steps, you can do it I know you can.

Don't let go my friend!

[zoomer]

Hey Lizzy the first time around I gaveup evreything for my sobrity,my kids included. I was sort of happy,but I missed my boys. I almost did everything perfect,but who can be perfect? Iv built up my life through sobrity and drinking,but again I'v hit an emotional bottom. I can't go to meetings for fear that I will see someone,they will tell my kids school and that's it. I absoltlyhate social workers with a passion. They suck! I don't hate my husband, how can I when he is the father of my kids,but He does not want to work any program what so ever. Iv talked it over and over when I finally get up and realize that drinking does not work. Iv been homeless and put all my trust in God,but other people get kind of screwy. When I tell my hubby he hangs his head and says OK,but we always end up drinking. He likes me better I think when he has a friend in drinking. Iv finally realized that I can't be without a program. Not only for my not drinking,but because without my fellowship, I will be lost in a world that does not understand me,nor I am not able to cope. This time around I can't say I will be perfect,but I willnot drink. I can't say it will be one day at a time, I just know that as long as I pray each day not to drink and keep reaching out I have a chance. That's all we really need is a chance. I'm sure I was to die long ago,and I certainy went crazy. I don't want to die from nothing and no one. As long as I can cry,I know I'm alive today and if there is one tiny bit of hope I'll have a smile before too long.