Overwhelmed

[PaperDolls]

On my drive home from work I found myself crying and feeling completely overwhelmed with everything. I don't want anyone to be mad at me (see this thread: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...need-help.html (Stress - Need Help)) My gf is out of town and I've got to give all three dogs a bath and mow the front and back yards. I'm heading out of town tomorrow afternoon and I need to back. I'm going to the doctor in the morning and I made a list of all the complaints I have and I'm afraid to give him the list. What if he doesn't believe me? Or he thinks I'm a freak. I don't feel like I can get anything done and I don't even have time to be here right now. I know I won't be able to sleep tonight.

Driving home I found myself wishing someone would crash into me or I had the guts to drive off the road. I don't want to die, just be hurt enough to take a break so I don't have to think right now.

~doll

[Live]

Take some long deep breaths. It will be okay, you'll see. I read getting free's post and I admire it, it is right on the money.

If someone gets mad, it doesn't mean you have done anything wrong and you don't have to accept responsibility for it.

Who is worrying this much about your feelings.
Take care of yourself first.

Real friends might be disappointed but would understand and most would be supportive and tell you it's okay.

You are tying yourself into knots. It just isn't worth it.

And your Dr will listen....believe me...they have heard it all. You are no freak because you need medical attention.

Remember...you don't HAVE to do anything. Do what you feel best about.
hugs,
live

[GettingFree]

Hey PD,

I was writing a longer post on the other thread but I saw this and I'll put the other one aside for a moment.

Like Live says, BREATHE.

Then chunk down the next 24 hours. Small little bits. Of the things that feel overwhelming, what do you have to do? What is absolutely necessary right now?

What happens if the dogs don't have a bath? Will anything bad happen? Anyone really mind? (They sure won't!)

What happens if the lawn isn't mowed for another few days or week? Will anything bad happen? Probably not.

It's so easy when we're overwhelmed to lose sight of the choice we actually have over things.

I don't remember if you mentioned when the weekend in question is -- if it's not this weekend, you don't have to make an immediate decision.

As for the doctor -- Live is right here too. To count as a freak to a doctor you'll have to have 3 arms, 2 uteruses and a tail. Actually, I'm impressed that you've made a list. I usually get there and leave, remembering after I've left something I wanted to mention.

And for the record, I've had the road fantasy. There was a period in my lilfe I was so overwhelmed I wish I could be in a car accident just to be put in hospital so I wouldn't have to be responsible for anything. It's not uncommon. You're not a freak.

Remember...breathe. Look at what you can take off your plate right now.

I'll respond to the other thread later.

best
gf

[PaperDolls]

Thank you all. The weekend in question is this weekend. I have tomorrow and Friday off. I'm heading to my home town tomorrow afternoon then depending on the decision I make I'll head back here either Sat. afternoon to make it to the party or stay another night and relax. That's what I really want to do.

I've gotten two of the three dogs washed. The only person that will mind is my gf. She's a bit of a neat freak. With everything, including the lawn and the dogs. *shrug*

I guess I need to learn to make myself happy first. Then everyone else. I just don't know how to do it.

thanks.

[PaperDolls]

Well, I got it all done. I just sat down here in the recliner to watch some TV finally. All the dogs are clean and zonked out. The lawn is mowed and I'm stinky. I'm too warn out to take a shower now. I took a clonazopam, which I haven't taken for such a long time I can't even remember the last time. Hopefully I can just relax for a while.

I need to redo my list to the doc. For some reason, I get really anxious about going. I have a hard time saying it to him. In fact, I've been seeing him since 1999 and I've never told him. It's so easy for me to show anger, usually I end up showing all of my emotions as anger. Like with my gf about this whole mess, I immediately got angry and really I think I was more hurt than anything. I just wanted her to understand how I felt and I really felt like she was negating my feelings. I have such hard time even knowing how I feel......I think it was hurt. Blah!

Thank you all very much. I'm much calmer now and your replies really did help me calm myself.

Have a great night y'all!
~doll

[CarolD]

You did an awesome job!
Remember the next time these tasks need doing..it is not your turn!!

Take the list and just hand it to the doctor.
He can ask if there are a any unclear items.

You pay him...let him earn the visit...

Take care and relax...

[PaperDolls]

Thank you Carol!

Here's some pics of my work on the yard.They aren't very good but that's what you get with a camera phone.





I'm off to bed. Goodnight.

[CarolD]

Lovely...

[PaperDolls]

Just got back from the dr. I get so worried about it. He said I'm making it hard for him to figure out whats wrong with me. He sent me to the hospital to get a chest xray. He says may be pneumonia or something in my chest (as I puff a cigg).

The second I started walking out of the exam room at the dr I started crying, then let loose in the car, and got myself together before i went into the hospital, then lost it again on my way back out to the car. I just want them to find out what's wrong with me. I don't what to have to wait. I'm just too impatient and feel like such a lazy a$$.

Well, that's my rant for now.

~doll

Edit: Oh, and he upped my Effexor from 150mg to 225mg. We'll see what that does.

[GettingFree]

Remember...breathe. Answers come slowly.

A year and a half ago I injured my back. It's been really frustrating. I've done everything that's been suggested and progress has been slow. I guess what I'm saying is I'm trying to practice the very thing I'm telling you. I"m trying to have faith that it will not always be like this and at the same time have perspective that there has been progress and in many ways life is better -- even with this crappy back stuff and even though I can't do some of the things right now that I love.

And hey PD -- the backyard looks great. Bet you just cleaned up after the 3 doggies too!

Have a wonderful weekend.

gf

[Kickit]

Wow, you are sure not lazy!! You do sound depressed, is that what your medication is for? Not familiar with it. If not you need to tell your dodctor that you feel depressed and have had suicidal thoughts, I used to wish that a car would knock me down, just to get some time out, sometimes temp sometimes for ever!

Have you heard of cognitive behaviour therapy? In the UK we can get it on the National Health Service, although there is a long waiting list. We can get quick acccess to a related online cognitive therapy called 'Beating the blues'. This therapy helps you look at the way you think and behave and helps you understand how that affects you. It shows you how to change, its good, it works. Our government are talking about training many nore therapists because so many people need this type of help - see you are not a freak at all.

A book that is based on this therapy is 'Overcoming Low Self-Esteem : Self-Help Guide Using Cognitive Behavioural Techniques - Melanie Fennell' , its good. Available at Amazon.

Hope that this has been helpful.

[PaperDolls]

Thanks kickit -- yup, the Effexor is for depression. I'll give it a try for may be two weeks and if I notice no change I'm going back. I do know about cognitive behavior therapy.....I need to find a therapist. I just keep putting it off. Thank you for the info.

~doll