I feel like my life is like a Danielle Steel novel - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

zoomer · 02-14-2003, 09:28 AM

GG, I'm a mess, I can't stop crying. I feel like on of those stupid women in Danelle Steel novles that has nothing but tragity in her life. OK, I'm ready for the wonderful outcome, how about anyone els? It all sucks any way. What a mess!

Juls · 02-14-2003, 09:39 AM

Hey Zoomer,

Keep your chin up girl. I feel like my life is like a bad book too. I've been going through it bad the past couple of months. Try to do something nice for yourself. Yesterday I drove down to this little beach town I like, just to walk around and be by the ocean.

Crying is o.k. It's funny, I rarely cry anymore, but I used to. Especially before my cycle.

I'm here if you need to talk.

Juls

zoomer · 02-14-2003, 10:02 AM

Hey Juls, I don't want to do stuff by my self any more! I like being with people. I d go shopping by myself,but I always shop for the kids. I did by my self a very tacky fiber optic angel. Her wings light up ad chnge color! I got her on clearance because she had a busted arm. I was going to send it to my mother to watch over her,but I think I needed it more. God, Ijust want to run away with my kids to a safe place away from this horrible nightmere that is my life. Is it wrong to wish that?

zoomer · 02-14-2003, 10:03 AM

I don't want to run away, so much as i want to run to a place that is a happy place.

Juls · 02-14-2003, 10:13 AM

Zoomer,

I have alot of run-away fantasies. But I like being alone, so I always want to run away alone. Being married is hard for me because I don't get to be alone enough. I can spend days by myself.

It's funny though, before I met my husband I was tired of being alone. I used to pray to God to bring a nice decent man into my life so that I could get married. Then when it happened the reality of the situation was a whole lot different than I imagined it would be, and I've had a hard time adjusting. I didn't become a drug addict until after I was married. Not that I blame it on my husband, but I just wanted to escape my reality so much, and since I couldn't physically leave, I used drugs.

Six years later, now that I'm starting to get used to being married, menopause hits, and I still feel crazy. I was reading your post on the PTSD site, and I've been diagnosed with that too. I went through alot of bad stuff growing up. Now I think I deliberately sabotage my life because I don't know how to handle good stuff. I don't know. It all gets so confusing at times.

Juls

zoomer · 02-14-2003, 10:39 AM

Hey Juls, like being married, and hate being alone. I do not sabbitoge nothing I don't think. Who knows any more? I just know how hard Iv been trying. Sure i was drinking, but I honestly think that you can grow even when you are drinking,you can love, you can hope you can dream. I think it's all BS that people cannot be decent when they drink. God God, if that was true, them 99.99% of the world arefull of bad people. I just hate where I live. I feel so alone! I feel like I'm no class at all in a middle class world. it's not only me,but my babies have suffered too. My heart breaks every dam time they are rejected! Can you emagion living like that! I cannot fight no more. My children will never get a chance to be themselves here. They are already on the black list. Iv been strong for so long and so have they.

zoomer · 02-14-2003, 10:45 AM

Sorry Juls, Iv just had to put up with so much BS! I have no fanticys except the one I was trying to live.

zoomer · 02-14-2003, 10:58 AM

Besides Juls, my fanticies and dreams were killing me! I don't want to die, I want to live. Is it cercomstances that kills a spirit because the spirit cannot live alone in an unloved place? People here do not understand what it is like to grow up in the wy I did or how my children were brought about. I hate keeping secreats,bu hate exsplaining things because I get "wow what a ****, she must have been a horrible wife, a horrible mother". My legs are gettng tired of kickng back at these people here, and why should my kids grow up that way?

Juls · 02-14-2003, 11:12 AM

Zoomer,

Where are you? Sounds like ignorantville. I guess moving must be out of the picture. I am grateful for living in the Bay Area, although it is so expensive here. But I have also experienced rejection due to my past circumstances. We have to find ways to make our, and our childrens spirits thrive and grow.

Juls.

zoomer · 02-14-2003, 12:13 PM

Hey Juls, my children spirits do grow,but not from this town! I teach my hildren that they are all one group and no one is 1/2 of nothing! They are all whole sibs and are special becausethey are a part of me. I tell each one of my kids what gifts they have and how wonderful they are almost every day. The poor kids that dn'thave a family like mine,come to ours because I love them too. The people here are jerks! They will crush anything that is not like them.

zoomer · 02-14-2003, 01:58 PM

As with any Danielle steel novle,when the going gets tough,the tough go shopping! I Have nothing I want to eat in this place. My back is killing me, so a good walk in the store will be good. Too cold to go walking around the nieghborhood. I need to get a good movie too. Mr. orson is a bit to morbid for me to read right now. I just hope I don't start crying in the stores.

liveweyerd · 02-14-2003, 03:19 PM

Zoomer,
I run away anytime I need to. I have found special places, like that Benedictine monastery and other places that have good feelings, sometimes it's the gym, sometimes it is under a pile of covers with a book, but some places are sacred...like that monastery and places of especial beauty, maybe a hike, or an art museum, something so much bigger and greater that we get lost in it, and I spend a whole day if I need to...but when I leave my troubles are smaller because the power of beauty etc is so BIG.

But I run away. Always have. Always will.

I am pretty good at collecting info for free events, too bad you are not closer, we could run away for the weekend, there's alot going on in Bloomington at the moment.

Sometimes I like to be alone venturing, sometimes I yearn to share companionship...depends on my motives for running and the eligible candidates...

I haven't caught up on what's going on here at all, wasn't even going to log on until I did and until I was in a better mood myself, but I saw this....and here I am

to say running away is a good thing if you do it right, by all means, run away,
I have run into some of the most incredible adventures by accident and happenstance
met new loves (arts, etc), found new interests, got new perspectives, broadened my world....on and on
yes, I am all for running away!

If my poor car were legal I would running right now. And probably alone.
But that's okay. Today is Valentine's and I don't want to play sweetheart with anybody. I'll be my own sweetheart

hugs,
live

zoomer · 02-14-2003, 06:04 PM

Hey live, My kids are my sweet hearts! I do want to run farand fast. I'm sick of the life here I'm sick of my relationship with my hubby. He was,is and always will be married to his job and his beer. Now, I can't leave my kids for fear of the past repeting it's self. I also can't work and raise my kids at the same time. So you see I'm kind of stuck. I also do not know what they found on my cat scan,maybe I'm brain damaged or something. I need medical attenion and have no way to provide insurace for myself and my kids. I do have a love in a way right now,but things are not what they seem. I'd never pursue what is taken. I do need a friend to hang with, I don't really have a girl friend. (now I'm not into that) LOL!!!!!! Gee wiz, I did get hit on in the grocery store by a man of 75 tonight! I was snivling and went to go look at the meat and he struck up a conversation about how you can tell a good steak, you press it to see if it's tender. He press it, so out of curdesy I press it (the steak that is) and then he said how he lived alone and the pacage of 4 steaks would be too much for him. I said it would not be enough for my 6 kids

. I felt somehow that it was the most bazare conversation I ever had. I mean I'm at my most vunrable point in my life and I'm having a double dutch conversation with an old guy! LOL.

liveweyerd · 02-14-2003, 08:35 PM

I am so eager for the weather to become hospitable.
When I don't know what to do with myself I go walking. Usually at night. I amble and amble. There's a beautiful park here at the Catholic charities' "nursing home", really beautiful, built with geodes, and a bench with a grape harbor over it, a shrine of Mary that I climb up to (15ft?) and sit next to her and overlook the park. I never talk to her, but sometimes sit there and smoke and call it burnt offerings.

It's very, very peaceful late at night.

I forget myself when I do things like this, cause I'm looking around, just seeing what I notice, getting lost in it.

I get teased sometimes because I am the kind of person that might get all wrapped up, down on the ground watching the bugs or plants.....and not even notice the fire engine just drove by

I can hide my own Easter eggs...and not recognize I have ever seen them before when I find them!!!!
hahahahaha

zoomer · 02-14-2003, 08:44 PM

GG live you are strange! I tought I was strang going in the grave yard! Are you sure that mother mary wants puff of your cig! Ha,I once bless stack of tarot cards with a smoke,then trew them out because I was afraid of them! Wow! You are the life.

liveweyerd · 02-14-2003, 08:54 PM

Well, see, the cemetary is across from the street from the park, but I thought I wouldn't mention that. Lest someone be uneasy for no reason. I prefer to stroll it late afternoon, when I can read the inscriptions.....

I got a good laugh over the lonely elder gourmet.

zoomer · 02-14-2003, 09:07 PM

Ya, poor guy,he was all alone for Valinties! He did talk about crandberry sauce cans being dented and they needed to restock. I figued it was a sign and bought 2 cans.

liveweyerd · 02-14-2003, 09:14 PM

I like that you've added a new line to your signature and that it is hope

Cool!

Juls · 02-14-2003, 09:40 PM

Hey ladies,

I've always got hit on by the most bizarre and unsusal types of men. Makes me wonder what kind of vibe I send out. LOL

One time I was hanging out in Golden Gate Park, which maybe speaks for itself since i grew up in the city, and this guy starts hitting on me. He wanted me to go with him to his apartment and beat him with a cat-o-nine tails that he had made him self. I was 18 at the time. Another time I'm sitting in a shopping mall minding my own business, and this young guy, maybe 18, comes up to me and tells me that if I go with him to his car he'll give me the best oral pleasure I've ever had. I hope this isn't too risque for this forum.

I'm 47, and a few months ago a 21 year old was wanting to date me. But I've had my share of those old-timers too. I try to avoid eye contact as much as possible. And I can't tell you how many times men have just exposed themselves to me in the most unusual situations. I could write a book. I'm not even all that. I mean I'm all right, attractive you could say, but it's not like I go around dressed all provocative trying to get this attention.

Juls

liveweyerd · 02-14-2003, 09:51 PM

hahahahahahahaha

I'm not a flirt, but I am friendly. The only one I don't respond to with humor are the 20 yr olds. I've got a rule, if you are closer to my kids' age than mine, we are talking about incest.

Funny thing is....I seem so friendly...but I am really very unapproachable.

zoomer · 02-14-2003, 10:35 PM

OMG,you guys make me laugh! Na, don't like them young at all! I think they are cute to look at but that's about it. I can't say Iv been hit on a lot except when I worked for my breif time this summer,but I took it all as a joke. One night my hubby's friendswere in or at least one was his friend. This one guy had his mits all over me. Hey I don't mind a hug,but paws off please! I think that is when I started to go in my crazys again. It reminded me of my worst night ever alive. It's been an up hill battle sence. I don't know sometimes if things are real or not anymore? Ugh, I do have a kind of crush,but I don't know if it's real or not. Fanticy time! The guy is older,but thats all I will tell. Maybe weall need a little Daniell Steel to get us through!

zoomer · 02-14-2003, 10:39 PM

HeyJuls, he was only after your money babe! LOL!!!! God, you must real beautiful! I guess I have not thought about being attractive in a very long while. O I do keep up,but I just do not put much time in the way I look.

liveweyerd · 02-14-2003, 10:48 PM

Zoomer,
talking and touching are two different things.

I DO NOT like people to touch me. That is intimate.

Somebody can say anything they want and I can decide in my mind that it's about them, if they touch me then it's about me and WHOA!

zoomer · 02-14-2003, 10:48 PM

Hey ya live, I see you can't sleep either. So much to think about! GG my back and Neck were killing me. I had to put some musle rub on it. I am waiting to bounce back to figure out my life. I think I'm emotionally drained.

zoomer · 02-14-2003, 10:53 PM

Ya,but when it's give and take that's different. I'm not into force in either way. Iv learned a long time ago that you never pursue unless they want to be pursued,but guys just don't get it!

02-14-2003, 09:28 AM	#1 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	I feel like my life is like a Danielle Steel novel GG, I'm a mess, I can't stop crying. I feel like on of those stupid women in Danelle Steel novles that has nothing but tragity in her life. OK, I'm ready for the wonderful outcome, how about anyone els? It all sucks any way. What a mess!

02-14-2003, 09:39 AM	#2 (permalink)
Juls Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: California, USA Posts: 1,101	Hey Zoomer, Keep your chin up girl. I feel like my life is like a bad book too. I've been going through it bad the past couple of months. Try to do something nice for yourself. Yesterday I drove down to this little beach town I like, just to walk around and be by the ocean. Crying is o.k. It's funny, I rarely cry anymore, but I used to. Especially before my cycle. I'm here if you need to talk. Juls

02-14-2003, 10:02 AM	#3 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	Hey Juls, I don't want to do stuff by my self any more! I like being with people. I d go shopping by myself,but I always shop for the kids. I did by my self a very tacky fiber optic angel. Her wings light up ad chnge color! I got her on clearance because she had a busted arm. I was going to send it to my mother to watch over her,but I think I needed it more. God, Ijust want to run away with my kids to a safe place away from this horrible nightmere that is my life. Is it wrong to wish that?

02-14-2003, 10:03 AM	#4 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	I don't want to run away, so much as i want to run to a place that is a happy place.

02-14-2003, 10:13 AM	#5 (permalink)
Juls Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: California, USA Posts: 1,101	Zoomer, I have alot of run-away fantasies. But I like being alone, so I always want to run away alone. Being married is hard for me because I don't get to be alone enough. I can spend days by myself. It's funny though, before I met my husband I was tired of being alone. I used to pray to God to bring a nice decent man into my life so that I could get married. Then when it happened the reality of the situation was a whole lot different than I imagined it would be, and I've had a hard time adjusting. I didn't become a drug addict until after I was married. Not that I blame it on my husband, but I just wanted to escape my reality so much, and since I couldn't physically leave, I used drugs. Six years later, now that I'm starting to get used to being married, menopause hits, and I still feel crazy. I was reading your post on the PTSD site, and I've been diagnosed with that too. I went through alot of bad stuff growing up. Now I think I deliberately sabotage my life because I don't know how to handle good stuff. I don't know. It all gets so confusing at times. Juls

02-14-2003, 10:39 AM	#6 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	Hey Juls, like being married, and hate being alone. I do not sabbitoge nothing I don't think. Who knows any more? I just know how hard Iv been trying. Sure i was drinking, but I honestly think that you can grow even when you are drinking,you can love, you can hope you can dream. I think it's all BS that people cannot be decent when they drink. God God, if that was true, them 99.99% of the world arefull of bad people. I just hate where I live. I feel so alone! I feel like I'm no class at all in a middle class world. it's not only me,but my babies have suffered too. My heart breaks every dam time they are rejected! Can you emagion living like that! I cannot fight no more. My children will never get a chance to be themselves here. They are already on the black list. Iv been strong for so long and so have they.

02-14-2003, 10:45 AM	#7 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	Sorry Juls, Iv just had to put up with so much BS! I have no fanticys except the one I was trying to live.

02-14-2003, 10:58 AM	#8 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	Besides Juls, my fanticies and dreams were killing me! I don't want to die, I want to live. Is it cercomstances that kills a spirit because the spirit cannot live alone in an unloved place? People here do not understand what it is like to grow up in the wy I did or how my children were brought about. I hate keeping secreats,bu hate exsplaining things because I get "wow what a ****, she must have been a horrible wife, a horrible mother". My legs are gettng tired of kickng back at these people here, and why should my kids grow up that way?

02-14-2003, 11:12 AM	#9 (permalink)
Juls Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: California, USA Posts: 1,101	Zoomer, Where are you? Sounds like ignorantville. I guess moving must be out of the picture. I am grateful for living in the Bay Area, although it is so expensive here. But I have also experienced rejection due to my past circumstances. We have to find ways to make our, and our childrens spirits thrive and grow. Juls.

02-14-2003, 12:13 PM	#10 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	Hey Juls, my children spirits do grow,but not from this town! I teach my hildren that they are all one group and no one is 1/2 of nothing! They are all whole sibs and are special becausethey are a part of me. I tell each one of my kids what gifts they have and how wonderful they are almost every day. The poor kids that dn'thave a family like mine,come to ours because I love them too. The people here are jerks! They will crush anything that is not like them.

02-14-2003, 01:58 PM	#11 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	As with any Danielle steel novle,when the going gets tough,the tough go shopping! I Have nothing I want to eat in this place. My back is killing me, so a good walk in the store will be good. Too cold to go walking around the nieghborhood. I need to get a good movie too. Mr. orson is a bit to morbid for me to read right now. I just hope I don't start crying in the stores.

02-14-2003, 03:19 PM	#12 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: central Florida Posts: 7,289 Blog Entries: 5	Zoomer, I run away anytime I need to. I have found special places, like that Benedictine monastery and other places that have good feelings, sometimes it's the gym, sometimes it is under a pile of covers with a book, but some places are sacred...like that monastery and places of especial beauty, maybe a hike, or an art museum, something so much bigger and greater that we get lost in it, and I spend a whole day if I need to...but when I leave my troubles are smaller because the power of beauty etc is so BIG. But I run away. Always have. Always will. I am pretty good at collecting info for free events, too bad you are not closer, we could run away for the weekend, there's alot going on in Bloomington at the moment. Sometimes I like to be alone venturing, sometimes I yearn to share companionship...depends on my motives for running and the eligible candidates... I haven't caught up on what's going on here at all, wasn't even going to log on until I did and until I was in a better mood myself, but I saw this....and here I am to say running away is a good thing if you do it right, by all means, run away, I have run into some of the most incredible adventures by accident and happenstance met new loves (arts, etc), found new interests, got new perspectives, broadened my world....on and on yes, I am all for running away! If my poor car were legal I would running right now. And probably alone. But that's okay. Today is Valentine's and I don't want to play sweetheart with anybody. I'll be my own sweetheart hugs, live

02-14-2003, 06:04 PM	#13 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	Hey live, My kids are my sweet hearts! I do want to run farand fast. I'm sick of the life here I'm sick of my relationship with my hubby. He was,is and always will be married to his job and his beer. Now, I can't leave my kids for fear of the past repeting it's self. I also can't work and raise my kids at the same time. So you see I'm kind of stuck. I also do not know what they found on my cat scan,maybe I'm brain damaged or something. I need medical attenion and have no way to provide insurace for myself and my kids. I do have a love in a way right now,but things are not what they seem. I'd never pursue what is taken. I do need a friend to hang with, I don't really have a girl friend. (now I'm not into that) LOL!!!!!! Gee wiz, I did get hit on in the grocery store by a man of 75 tonight! I was snivling and went to go look at the meat and he struck up a conversation about how you can tell a good steak, you press it to see if it's tender. He press it, so out of curdesy I press it (the steak that is) and then he said how he lived alone and the pacage of 4 steaks would be too much for him. I said it would not be enough for my 6 kids . I felt somehow that it was the most bazare conversation I ever had. I mean I'm at my most vunrable point in my life and I'm having a double dutch conversation with an old guy! LOL.

02-14-2003, 08:35 PM	#14 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: central Florida Posts: 7,289 Blog Entries: 5	I am so eager for the weather to become hospitable. When I don't know what to do with myself I go walking. Usually at night. I amble and amble. There's a beautiful park here at the Catholic charities' "nursing home", really beautiful, built with geodes, and a bench with a grape harbor over it, a shrine of Mary that I climb up to (15ft?) and sit next to her and overlook the park. I never talk to her, but sometimes sit there and smoke and call it burnt offerings. It's very, very peaceful late at night. I forget myself when I do things like this, cause I'm looking around, just seeing what I notice, getting lost in it. I get teased sometimes because I am the kind of person that might get all wrapped up, down on the ground watching the bugs or plants.....and not even notice the fire engine just drove by I can hide my own Easter eggs...and not recognize I have ever seen them before when I find them!!!! hahahahaha

02-14-2003, 08:44 PM	#15 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	GG live you are strange! I tought I was strang going in the grave yard! Are you sure that mother mary wants puff of your cig! Ha,I once bless stack of tarot cards with a smoke,then trew them out because I was afraid of them! Wow! You are the life.

02-14-2003, 08:54 PM	#16 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: central Florida Posts: 7,289 Blog Entries: 5	Well, see, the cemetary is across from the street from the park, but I thought I wouldn't mention that. Lest someone be uneasy for no reason. I prefer to stroll it late afternoon, when I can read the inscriptions..... I got a good laugh over the lonely elder gourmet.

02-14-2003, 09:07 PM	#17 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	Ya, poor guy,he was all alone for Valinties! He did talk about crandberry sauce cans being dented and they needed to restock. I figued it was a sign and bought 2 cans.

02-14-2003, 09:14 PM	#18 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: central Florida Posts: 7,289 Blog Entries: 5	I like that you've added a new line to your signature and that it is hope Cool!

02-14-2003, 09:40 PM	#19 (permalink)
Juls Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: California, USA Posts: 1,101	Hey ladies, I've always got hit on by the most bizarre and unsusal types of men. Makes me wonder what kind of vibe I send out. LOL One time I was hanging out in Golden Gate Park, which maybe speaks for itself since i grew up in the city, and this guy starts hitting on me. He wanted me to go with him to his apartment and beat him with a cat-o-nine tails that he had made him self. I was 18 at the time. Another time I'm sitting in a shopping mall minding my own business, and this young guy, maybe 18, comes up to me and tells me that if I go with him to his car he'll give me the best oral pleasure I've ever had. I hope this isn't too risque for this forum. I'm 47, and a few months ago a 21 year old was wanting to date me. But I've had my share of those old-timers too. I try to avoid eye contact as much as possible. And I can't tell you how many times men have just exposed themselves to me in the most unusual situations. I could write a book. I'm not even all that. I mean I'm all right, attractive you could say, but it's not like I go around dressed all provocative trying to get this attention. Juls

02-14-2003, 09:51 PM	#20 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: central Florida Posts: 7,289 Blog Entries: 5	hahahahahahahaha I'm not a flirt, but I am friendly. The only one I don't respond to with humor are the 20 yr olds. I've got a rule, if you are closer to my kids' age than mine, we are talking about incest. Funny thing is....I seem so friendly...but I am really very unapproachable.

02-14-2003, 10:35 PM	#21 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	OMG,you guys make me laugh! Na, don't like them young at all! I think they are cute to look at but that's about it. I can't say Iv been hit on a lot except when I worked for my breif time this summer,but I took it all as a joke. One night my hubby's friendswere in or at least one was his friend. This one guy had his mits all over me. Hey I don't mind a hug,but paws off please! I think that is when I started to go in my crazys again. It reminded me of my worst night ever alive. It's been an up hill battle sence. I don't know sometimes if things are real or not anymore? Ugh, I do have a kind of crush,but I don't know if it's real or not. Fanticy time! The guy is older,but thats all I will tell. Maybe weall need a little Daniell Steel to get us through!

02-14-2003, 10:39 PM	#22 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	HeyJuls, he was only after your money babe! LOL!!!! God, you must real beautiful! I guess I have not thought about being attractive in a very long while. O I do keep up,but I just do not put much time in the way I look.

02-14-2003, 10:48 PM	#23 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: central Florida Posts: 7,289 Blog Entries: 5	Zoomer, talking and touching are two different things. I DO NOT like people to touch me. That is intimate. Somebody can say anything they want and I can decide in my mind that it's about them, if they touch me then it's about me and WHOA!

02-14-2003, 10:48 PM	#24 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	Hey ya live, I see you can't sleep either. So much to think about! GG my back and Neck were killing me. I had to put some musle rub on it. I am waiting to bounce back to figure out my life. I think I'm emotionally drained.

02-14-2003, 10:53 PM	#25 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	Ya,but when it's give and take that's different. I'm not into force in either way. Iv learned a long time ago that you never pursue unless they want to be pursued,but guys just don't get it!