horribly, pitiful - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

myles1 · 02-13-2003, 07:02 PM

Hi Ladies,

Well I posted one earlier and I came back to continue it and my earlier post isn't here so here goes:

Myles my son got a valentines day card today from my ex. Before for him to do anything like that it was like pulling hens teeth. But this one was bought,signed,sealed and delivered by the post.

So he's invited Myles to call him so he can pick him up on a Friday night to go over and play with his nephews and how is my 2 step coming along because that was after all the whole cause of our problems that I've forgotten how to do the 2 step. And that he is waiting for Myles' call.

Isn't that just peachy and doesn't that take the cake, now he's going through Myles, how cute.

Ngaire

zoomer · 02-13-2003, 07:49 PM

Now is this mile's dad or the ex? The 2 step like in dance? GG, I guess I would sa no if it is your ex,but not miles dad and miles will understand. Although, they do say "all is fair in love and war". Poor you! It would be hard to resist! I had this boyfriend once right before I got married. He was a true stocker. He bought me stuff,bla,bla bla.... I got to the point where I said enough! He offered me a "christmas prestent, no strings attached" to go get my sons for me for Christmas. Well, he used that to moses his way back into my life! What a jerk! It was a missrable week. Aftermy boys left, I told him I never ever wanted to see him again, then he had the nerve to say e was suing me for breach of contract because he tried to convence me to marry him! I laughed in his stupid face. Itook all the stuff he gave me and donated it to the public defenders office where I worked and sent the ring he gave me to my mother. I think I still see him from time to time, but shudder! When my mother goes, I'll make sure my sister in law get that ring, I sure don't want it. See as soon as you try to be strong, you get attact. he took a lot of pictures for me too and I threw them out. He was so wierd. I think he just wanted to move in with me because it was closer to school where we went. What hurt the most though was my best girlfriend at the time was mad at me for something (O I was too sick to attend her graduation) and she sat next to him and they had thier pictures taken together. she knew how I felt abouthim and she really hurt my feelings. I still get a card from my girlfriend,so all is forgivien,but that hurt! I nicked name him the Stocker,so my best advice is that if you truly don't want that guy in your life,ripped up the card and tell him to stay the hell away from your kid.

zoomer · 02-14-2003, 05:43 AM

Hey N, how are you doing? Happy Valntines day to you! I know you will probibly feel upset today and depressed,just know that someone out there cares! In my thoughts I send you flowers,candy and a hugh card and to say I'm thinking about you! Ugh, my little one needs his shots today and my daughter the 6 year has a party at school. I'll have to g even though I'm not feeling so hot! We all must do what we all must do right! When I had no one for Valentines (I mean a man), I'd spoil my daughter all the more. If you do ot get the love you want,it's best to give it to someone else.

myles1 · 02-14-2003, 05:50 AM

Hi Zoomer,

The card went to the garbage {no it's not Myles dad} actually Myles told me to put it in the garbage too. I think he was kind of hurt by it too. He was good friends with the nephews. It's been a big change in both our lives (Myles and I) this breakup business.

As far as any response from me there won't be one, I don't think it's worth it. I'll just be quiet and carry on.

Myles told me when I asked him how he felt about things he said, annoyed,crazy and scared. So I asked him to elaborate and he said: "Annoyed because he won't leave us alone, crazy because he's crazy, and scared because he's starting to scare me."
Great uh?

And yes the 2 step is the dance which B said because I had forgotten how to do it because he never wanted to go anywhere dancing for 21/2 years was the cause of all our problems

What has me a bit more concerned is the fact that his wierd advances are getting closer together in time between.

Ngaire

:council:

myles1 · 02-14-2003, 05:58 AM

Hi Zoomer,

Happy Valentines Day to you too! Actually no I'm not depressed today. I'm just going to go about my business. I took half the day off so I could take care of some paper work and I have an appointment at 4:30 to spoil myself at the hairdressers.

Myles and I did our little v-day thing yesterday and he;s at his dads today.

Hope you have a good day.

Ngaire

zoomer · 02-14-2003, 05:59 AM

Hey N, gosh I found the best way isto confront the guy and tell him to go F-off and say if you contact me or my son again,I will call the police. Now I know that your hurt,but come on, don't obsess over the 2 step or him not taking you dancing. You know why he would not take you dancing. GG, go out and go to a dance with your friends. I would love to learn how o d the two step! I love to watch people do it, but I have a hard time learning, so I would have to practice at hom. Now I WONDER IF THEY HAVE DAIRENS DANCE GROVES<THEY MIGHT HAVE THE TWO STEP VIDIO? Sorry for the caps,but my computer has a mind of it's own. Happy Valentines day!

myles1 · 02-14-2003, 06:06 AM

Ha ha why wouldn't he take me out dancing other than to be a stupid, miserable,vindictive jerk????????

No I'm not going to confront him. I just think his whole thing about the dancing is totally childish and stupid so I'm not hurt by it anymore. That's his problem haha.

Ngaire

liveweyerd · 02-14-2003, 03:28 PM

Hi, Myles

A used to use his kids to get to me, cause I loved and adored them and they loved me.

ho-hum

it's just anything to get a Response from you.
He can't believe you are ignoring him so, you couldn't have forgotten him or gotten over him!?

You seem to be handling it with great wisdom, gf

Chin up!

We know you are a sweetheart, valentine!

live

I had dreams about A last night, has me in a crummy frame of mind. I don't feel like being nice so I don't want to be around anybody....am going to go snuggle up with a good book and take a cozy nap.
Tomorrow is a new day.

I think i"ll reward myself later and print out that "letter to the New girlfriend" Did you ever find it?
It alway improves my understanding and outlook ....and makes me laugh.

If you haven't read it yet send me a pm with your e-mail address, I think I can send it to you that way.

myles1 · 02-15-2003, 06:07 AM

Hi Live,
No I haven't read that letter yet. I'll send you my e-mail.

Well one thing my alanon sponsor pointed out is B doesn't realize he's dealing with a very wise child who sae right through it as soon as he realized it is was from and told me to put it in the garbage hahhaha.

Oh the other thing I went to a Valentines Dance last night and I was dancing some couples dance with an elderly gentleman who is a good dancer and I came to the conclusion I can do the 2 step all right as long as it was with a good dance partner

!!! hahaha

Pretty sad that your A would use his own kids to manipulate you. Nice guys.

Ngaire

zoomer · 02-15-2003, 06:17 AM

Hey N, I sort of did the two step too with the old guy last night.At the end he said Alvedersday, and then asked me if I knew what it was, I said sure,it means good bye. I said I could say good bye in 7 laguages and said good bye to him in spanish. Then I thought about the sound of music. I love that movie.

zoomer · 02-15-2003, 06:21 AM

Hey live, I don't want to seem intrusive,but can you send me that too! The letter to the new girl friend.

liveweyerd · 02-15-2003, 10:08 AM

Sure thing!
I need to read it again too...I dreamed about that jerk again last night....and I thought I was doing so well, not even giving him a thought!

myles1 · 02-15-2003, 11:37 AM

Live,

If it makes you feel better I have dreams just about every night it's part of the process of getting through and over it.

Ngaire

zoomer · 02-15-2003, 11:46 AM

Hey N, sorry for your bad dreams.

liveweyerd · 02-15-2003, 05:48 PM

Ladies,
they have updated and changed that website but I think I will still be able to forward it, will get to it a little later...for now, I just feel like I really need to rest.

N- It has been almost 3 mos and I really hadn't been dreaming about him until the last couple nights.....when we had separated before it drove me crazy night and day...but this time I seemed to really be moving along okay .....

I decided to think of that one dream as a "craving" as in the addictions and not examine it much, just acknowledge that it happened, that I had a desire and go on.

I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow.....will probably be up early eager to catch up

have a good evening,
live

myles1 · 02-16-2003, 07:42 AM

Well that sounds like good thinking Live. I know when I have dreams I don't feel great the next day sometimes worse than others. Last night I had a dream about us having sex and him being kind and considerate during sex hahahhahahaha that must have been a dream!

The only times he was considerate and caring in sex was
A. When we first met because he wanted to hook me
and B. At the end when we were having problems.
At the end he suddenly overcame all hangups he had about stuff that veered away from the missionary position. It was like he had a trump card or something sssiiiggghhh. I guess nothing was honest.

Ngaire

zoomer · 02-16-2003, 08:58 AM

Hey N, um whats the missionary position? Never mind! I just thought of praying and missionary,well now that Ithink about it, it must be the budda missionary position.

zoomer · 02-16-2003, 09:00 AM

I still don't understand your post?

liveweyerd · 02-16-2003, 09:05 AM

Okay. I don't know how to forward it so let's try this again, I will bring the original post back up it is titled to Alongt and others, Mg has the website in blue, click on it, on the right side of the page is something about you're so special or something like that, click on it........

live

myles1 · 02-16-2003, 11:41 AM

Okay Zoomer,

This is totally embarrassing but here goes. The missionary position is the most basic of all the 101 lovemaking positions there are. It;s the one of man on top woman on bottom, this position goes along with the power over mentality, the man has all the control.

Ngaire

liveweyerd · 02-16-2003, 11:51 AM

hahahahahaha

good answer, myles!

I brought up that other post and website...and it has gotten even better

live

liveweyerd · 02-16-2003, 12:24 PM

I have been reading "Romeo's Bleeding" on that website link. I think it is a healthy dose of vaccination. I'll bet I won't dream about him tonight and the rest of the week.!

I sure wish I would have found this kind of information earlier. I tried so hard to understand! And here it is spelled out.
5 yrs of turmoil!
And no one had a clue.
Well, apparently he isn't unique!

myles1 · 02-16-2003, 12:30 PM

Hi Live,

I just finished reading both the letter and Romeo's Bleeding.
I liked th epart about the autobiographical statements. I remember how I was always being accused of running around on him, how all I wanted to do was be the boss and tell him what to do, how I wanted to control everything he did.

It was all just a set-up, doing things purposely so as to get a reaction from me so he could look like the poor abused baby.

I have a question, why if he set me up tp break up with him is he trying to get a response from me just to continue this stupid victim crap he has going?

Ngaire

myles1 · 02-16-2003, 12:32 PM

Oh and something else I've been thinking about is everything he accuses other people of doing, he's done them.

Guess that goes with the autobiographical statements.

Ngaire

liveweyerd · 02-16-2003, 12:36 PM

Control!

He needs you to respond to him to affirm his control, his power.
If you take that from him...well, wacko-ville...it's like robbing him of his identity and he needs to get it back and he is enraged at you for "doing this to him", being out of his control so that he is in such a bad state....

Sound familiar?

That's the answer to mine.

02-13-2003, 07:02 PM	#1 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	horribly, pitiful Hi Ladies, Well I posted one earlier and I came back to continue it and my earlier post isn't here so here goes: Myles my son got a valentines day card today from my ex. Before for him to do anything like that it was like pulling hens teeth. But this one was bought,signed,sealed and delivered by the post. So he's invited Myles to call him so he can pick him up on a Friday night to go over and play with his nephews and how is my 2 step coming along because that was after all the whole cause of our problems that I've forgotten how to do the 2 step. And that he is waiting for Myles' call. Isn't that just peachy and doesn't that take the cake, now he's going through Myles, how cute. Ngaire

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02-13-2003, 07:49 PM	#2 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	Now is this mile's dad or the ex? The 2 step like in dance? GG, I guess I would sa no if it is your ex,but not miles dad and miles will understand. Although, they do say "all is fair in love and war". Poor you! It would be hard to resist! I had this boyfriend once right before I got married. He was a true stocker. He bought me stuff,bla,bla bla.... I got to the point where I said enough! He offered me a "christmas prestent, no strings attached" to go get my sons for me for Christmas. Well, he used that to moses his way back into my life! What a jerk! It was a missrable week. Aftermy boys left, I told him I never ever wanted to see him again, then he had the nerve to say e was suing me for breach of contract because he tried to convence me to marry him! I laughed in his stupid face. Itook all the stuff he gave me and donated it to the public defenders office where I worked and sent the ring he gave me to my mother. I think I still see him from time to time, but shudder! When my mother goes, I'll make sure my sister in law get that ring, I sure don't want it. See as soon as you try to be strong, you get attact. he took a lot of pictures for me too and I threw them out. He was so wierd. I think he just wanted to move in with me because it was closer to school where we went. What hurt the most though was my best girlfriend at the time was mad at me for something (O I was too sick to attend her graduation) and she sat next to him and they had thier pictures taken together. she knew how I felt abouthim and she really hurt my feelings. I still get a card from my girlfriend,so all is forgivien,but that hurt! I nicked name him the Stocker,so my best advice is that if you truly don't want that guy in your life,ripped up the card and tell him to stay the hell away from your kid.

02-14-2003, 05:43 AM	#3 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	Hey N, how are you doing? Happy Valntines day to you! I know you will probibly feel upset today and depressed,just know that someone out there cares! In my thoughts I send you flowers,candy and a hugh card and to say I'm thinking about you! Ugh, my little one needs his shots today and my daughter the 6 year has a party at school. I'll have to g even though I'm not feeling so hot! We all must do what we all must do right! When I had no one for Valentines (I mean a man), I'd spoil my daughter all the more. If you do ot get the love you want,it's best to give it to someone else.

02-14-2003, 05:50 AM	#4 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	Hi Zoomer, The card went to the garbage {no it's not Myles dad} actually Myles told me to put it in the garbage too. I think he was kind of hurt by it too. He was good friends with the nephews. It's been a big change in both our lives (Myles and I) this breakup business. As far as any response from me there won't be one, I don't think it's worth it. I'll just be quiet and carry on. Myles told me when I asked him how he felt about things he said, annoyed,crazy and scared. So I asked him to elaborate and he said: "Annoyed because he won't leave us alone, crazy because he's crazy, and scared because he's starting to scare me." Great uh? And yes the 2 step is the dance which B said because I had forgotten how to do it because he never wanted to go anywhere dancing for 21/2 years was the cause of all our problems What has me a bit more concerned is the fact that his wierd advances are getting closer together in time between. Ngaire :council:

02-14-2003, 05:58 AM	#5 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	Hi Zoomer, Happy Valentines Day to you too! Actually no I'm not depressed today. I'm just going to go about my business. I took half the day off so I could take care of some paper work and I have an appointment at 4:30 to spoil myself at the hairdressers. Myles and I did our little v-day thing yesterday and he;s at his dads today. Hope you have a good day. Ngaire

02-14-2003, 05:59 AM	#6 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	Hey N, gosh I found the best way isto confront the guy and tell him to go F-off and say if you contact me or my son again,I will call the police. Now I know that your hurt,but come on, don't obsess over the 2 step or him not taking you dancing. You know why he would not take you dancing. GG, go out and go to a dance with your friends. I would love to learn how o d the two step! I love to watch people do it, but I have a hard time learning, so I would have to practice at hom. Now I WONDER IF THEY HAVE DAIRENS DANCE GROVES<THEY MIGHT HAVE THE TWO STEP VIDIO? Sorry for the caps,but my computer has a mind of it's own. Happy Valentines day!

02-14-2003, 06:06 AM	#7 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	Ha ha why wouldn't he take me out dancing other than to be a stupid, miserable,vindictive jerk???????? No I'm not going to confront him. I just think his whole thing about the dancing is totally childish and stupid so I'm not hurt by it anymore. That's his problem haha. Ngaire

02-14-2003, 03:28 PM	#8 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: central Florida Posts: 7,289 Blog Entries: 5	Hi, Myles A used to use his kids to get to me, cause I loved and adored them and they loved me. ho-hum it's just anything to get a Response from you. He can't believe you are ignoring him so, you couldn't have forgotten him or gotten over him!? You seem to be handling it with great wisdom, gf Chin up! We know you are a sweetheart, valentine! live I had dreams about A last night, has me in a crummy frame of mind. I don't feel like being nice so I don't want to be around anybody....am going to go snuggle up with a good book and take a cozy nap. Tomorrow is a new day. I think i"ll reward myself later and print out that "letter to the New girlfriend" Did you ever find it? It alway improves my understanding and outlook ....and makes me laugh. If you haven't read it yet send me a pm with your e-mail address, I think I can send it to you that way.

02-15-2003, 06:07 AM	#9 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	Hi Live, No I haven't read that letter yet. I'll send you my e-mail. Well one thing my alanon sponsor pointed out is B doesn't realize he's dealing with a very wise child who sae right through it as soon as he realized it is was from and told me to put it in the garbage hahhaha. Oh the other thing I went to a Valentines Dance last night and I was dancing some couples dance with an elderly gentleman who is a good dancer and I came to the conclusion I can do the 2 step all right as long as it was with a good dance partner !!! hahaha Pretty sad that your A would use his own kids to manipulate you. Nice guys. Ngaire

02-15-2003, 06:17 AM	#10 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	Hey N, I sort of did the two step too with the old guy last night.At the end he said Alvedersday, and then asked me if I knew what it was, I said sure,it means good bye. I said I could say good bye in 7 laguages and said good bye to him in spanish. Then I thought about the sound of music. I love that movie.

02-15-2003, 06:21 AM	#11 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	Hey live, I don't want to seem intrusive,but can you send me that too! The letter to the new girl friend.

02-15-2003, 10:08 AM	#12 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: central Florida Posts: 7,289 Blog Entries: 5	Sure thing! I need to read it again too...I dreamed about that jerk again last night....and I thought I was doing so well, not even giving him a thought!

02-15-2003, 11:37 AM	#13 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	Live, If it makes you feel better I have dreams just about every night it's part of the process of getting through and over it. Ngaire

02-15-2003, 11:46 AM	#14 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	Hey N, sorry for your bad dreams.

02-15-2003, 05:48 PM	#15 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: central Florida Posts: 7,289 Blog Entries: 5	Ladies, they have updated and changed that website but I think I will still be able to forward it, will get to it a little later...for now, I just feel like I really need to rest. N- It has been almost 3 mos and I really hadn't been dreaming about him until the last couple nights.....when we had separated before it drove me crazy night and day...but this time I seemed to really be moving along okay ..... I decided to think of that one dream as a "craving" as in the addictions and not examine it much, just acknowledge that it happened, that I had a desire and go on. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow.....will probably be up early eager to catch up have a good evening, live

02-16-2003, 07:42 AM	#16 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	Well that sounds like good thinking Live. I know when I have dreams I don't feel great the next day sometimes worse than others. Last night I had a dream about us having sex and him being kind and considerate during sex hahahhahahaha that must have been a dream! The only times he was considerate and caring in sex was A. When we first met because he wanted to hook me and B. At the end when we were having problems. At the end he suddenly overcame all hangups he had about stuff that veered away from the missionary position. It was like he had a trump card or something sssiiiggghhh. I guess nothing was honest. Ngaire

02-16-2003, 08:58 AM	#17 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	Hey N, um whats the missionary position? Never mind! I just thought of praying and missionary,well now that Ithink about it, it must be the budda missionary position.

02-16-2003, 09:00 AM	#18 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	I still don't understand your post?

02-16-2003, 09:05 AM	#19 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: central Florida Posts: 7,289 Blog Entries: 5	Okay. I don't know how to forward it so let's try this again, I will bring the original post back up it is titled to Alongt and others, Mg has the website in blue, click on it, on the right side of the page is something about you're so special or something like that, click on it........ live

02-16-2003, 11:41 AM	#20 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	Okay Zoomer, This is totally embarrassing but here goes. The missionary position is the most basic of all the 101 lovemaking positions there are. It;s the one of man on top woman on bottom, this position goes along with the power over mentality, the man has all the control. Ngaire

02-16-2003, 11:51 AM	#21 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: central Florida Posts: 7,289 Blog Entries: 5	hahahahahaha good answer, myles! I brought up that other post and website...and it has gotten even better live

02-16-2003, 12:24 PM	#22 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: central Florida Posts: 7,289 Blog Entries: 5	I have been reading "Romeo's Bleeding" on that website link. I think it is a healthy dose of vaccination. I'll bet I won't dream about him tonight and the rest of the week.! I sure wish I would have found this kind of information earlier. I tried so hard to understand! And here it is spelled out. 5 yrs of turmoil! And no one had a clue. Well, apparently he isn't unique!

02-16-2003, 12:30 PM	#23 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	Hi Live, I just finished reading both the letter and Romeo's Bleeding. I liked th epart about the autobiographical statements. I remember how I was always being accused of running around on him, how all I wanted to do was be the boss and tell him what to do, how I wanted to control everything he did. It was all just a set-up, doing things purposely so as to get a reaction from me so he could look like the poor abused baby. I have a question, why if he set me up tp break up with him is he trying to get a response from me just to continue this stupid victim crap he has going? Ngaire

02-16-2003, 12:32 PM	#24 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	Oh and something else I've been thinking about is everything he accuses other people of doing, he's done them. Guess that goes with the autobiographical statements. Ngaire

02-16-2003, 12:36 PM	#25 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: central Florida Posts: 7,289 Blog Entries: 5	Control! He needs you to respond to him to affirm his control, his power. If you take that from him...well, wacko-ville...it's like robbing him of his identity and he needs to get it back and he is enraged at you for "doing this to him", being out of his control so that he is in such a bad state.... Sound familiar? That's the answer to mine.

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