today's the day

[happyagain]

well today's the day....my cheating husband is coming home today!!! i have to leave in about 2 hours to go to the airport and pick him up.....my stomach is full if knots......my anxiety level is off the charts.....i am dreading the confrontation that will come when we get home........but i know that after i make it through today i'll be able to make it through any day......i don't know if that makes sense to anyone else.......oh well.....when he left 16 days ago i felt utterly alone in this world.......i felt so lost and confused that i didn't know what to do.......i was in such a dark place that suicide and drinking again seemed like the only solutions......now i know.....i am not alone.......i realize that giving into the temptation to drink won't make things better it will only make things worse....i realize that if i commit suicide my children will be hurt more than i can ever imagine.......coming here to SR helped me to realize all of this......going back to aa...church...therapy.....i know now, i can put my life back together.....i am strong enough to do it....it won't be easy and it won't happen overnight....but i can do it.....and most importantly...i don't have to do it alone....i have loads of support both here at SR and here where i live......things are finally looking up and for that i am eternally greatful!!!!!!

[BigSis]

((((Lost)))))

Sending prayers... right this minute - for strength and clarity.

[Anna]

I wish you well,

And, I wouldn't have picked him up at the airport!

[GettingFree]

You are strong and courageous and a beautiful bright light. You've traveled so far in such a short time. Capture that and keep that with you as you travel this next leg of your journey!

gf

[happyagain]

well i picked him up........things have been civil but that is it. i keep wondering how we got to this point.......oh well no use in worrying about that now.......he is giving me dirty looks while i am typing this.....he is angry because i wouldn't let him run straight to his gf house.......i told him he had to come home and explain his choices to the kids......it's not my job....it's his.......

i'm sure the fireworks will begin soon......and honestly i just don't care anymore.....he said that he loved me once because i was a strong woman who didn't let anyone push her around.....well i lost that strengh and became his doormat....and that angered him.......now i have found my strengh again and he's pissed as hell........he can't have it both ways......and i have decided that i am not going to be a doormat anymore.......so he is just gonna have to deal with it!!!!!

[CarolD]

Hugs and Prayers
You are doing an awesome job!!!

I am proud of you!!

[happyagain]

thank you all so much for all of your support!!!!!! i have really needed it today!!!!!! well i have made it through the day and i didn't think that i would......and what's more amazing is that i have made it without tears!!!!!!! maybe i am just cried out....i don't know........all i know is that all of the anxiety that i was feeling earlier today is gone.......i feel strangely calm.......its a very odd feeling....not that i'm complaing.....well i'm gonna go for now

thanks again too everyone

hugs to all

[mendingheart]

Hang in there, and be true to your gut.......instinct works in strange ways.
You will regain a new strength within......my thoughts are with you.

[daddysgirl29]

Hey, Lost. Check in and let us know how you're doing, okay? DON'T GIVE IN! And if he needs a ride BACK to the airport.....I suggest putting him in the trunk.... (j/k...sorta...)

Be strong, girl. YOU CAN DO THIS!!

Thinking of you,
-DG

[CarolD]

I agree...Check in time!
I am concerned

Your important to us no matter what you decide to do.
We do not live your life
and wish only for your peace.

[Anna]

Lost, I'm worried about you too!

[happyagain]

hi everyone....thanks so much for your concern!!!! it feels so good to know that you all care about me!!!!!!

lets see.....where to start......on sunday the 28th i picked up my husband at the airport and brought him home. once i got him home and we had an opportunity to talk privately he said that he was pretty certain that he wanted to move in with his gf. well my response to that was "you better make 2000% sure that is what you want, because once you walk out that door, there will be no walking back in". so he ended up going to bed and not making any decions......then monday am he woke up in a particullarly bad mood......well i avoided him for the better part of the day and in the evening went to my aa meeting......now before i went to my meeting he promised me that while i was gone he would not call or chat on line with his gf......when i walked into the house after meeting he was online chatting with her........well a screaming/shouting match promptly ensued at that point in time....and it definately wasn't pretty....i can't even begin to count the number of times he called me a bitch, fu**ing cu**, and shrew.....i on the other hand call him an arrogant sob and a$$hole, and ******* more than a few times.......the night finally ended with him packing up about half of his clothes and leaving.....although before he walked out the door i made him explain to the kids where he was going and why.........needless to say he was really mad about that.....he was angry that i told him that he needed to be a man and admitt to having his affair and tell the kids that he was leaving us to go and live with his gf. but anyway.......after he explained everything to the kids, he gathered up both of his duffel bags and his other suitcase and walked the 5 miles to the nearest gas station so his gf could come and pick him up. so since he is now living with her that is just one more charge that can and will be brought against him by the navy.......at this point he is definately looking at brig time, it is just a matter of how much time......and i'm telling you i think he must be smoking some kinda crack because he wants me to a) drop all of the charges that i have asked his command to bring against him, b) he wants me to feel sorry for him because making the decision to leave us, the kids and i, was the hardest decision that he has ever had to make, and c) he wants me to feel sorry for his gf because she's been afraid that he wasn't going to choose her and to top it all off he also wants me to feel sorry for her because she is upset that i won't allow him to take my kids to her home or allow him to have them around her at all ever!!!! they are having orgies in that house and if she wants to expose her kids to that lifestyle, well that is her choice, but i am not going to allow my kids in that enviorment.....and my kids are my kids.....my husband isn't the biological father of either one of them and he has never adopted them because we never had enough money to pay for it. but anyway.........
i think that at this point that i must just be on autopilot......when he come home there were no tears.....when he walked out the door....still no tears......at this point i almost feel numb....dead inside.....maybe it is just my minds way of trying to protect myself from all of the painful emotions right now i don't know....all i do know is that things didn't go as badly as i thoght they would. i figured that would probably be at least one huge fight when he came home.....and that happened.....i just didn't know whether fight was going to end in him staying....going to marriage counselling, sex addicts annomyous, and going to churdh every week with the kids and i....the other option of course was for him to decide that he wanted to go and live with her....and he of course chose her.....

oh, well.....you know what they say....what goes around comes around....one day he'll get what he deserves and he is gonna want sympathy and he is gonna be sol.......hell, when he called tonight to talk to the kids he told me that the gf told him today that she aldready has their wedding planned........now there are 2 problems with that....#1 we haven't even filed divorce yet.....and #2 he doesn't ever want to get married again....but she doesn't belive him.....she is sure that as long as continues to share him with her gf and they keep having threesomes that he will decide to marry her!!!!!! it is all so absurd that all i can do is laugh.......he thought he was making this huge choice that was going to make him the happiest man in the whole wide world.....well it has been 2 days and he is already having second thoughts.....and i am in no mood to even entertain the notion of letting him back into my life, much less my home and bed......know what i mean.....

well i guess that's all.....thanks so much for being here and letting me vent.........you all are fantastic

[Anna]

Hi Lost,

Wow! You have lots going on!

I am an ex-military wife and I have no idea what you are talking about when you say you can bring charges against him for adultery. I know it's a moral issue, but I had no idea it could be a legal issue that would result in jail time for him.

I'm glad you're hanging on and getting through this and it must be so much to take in so quickly. One thing I want to ask you is what do you want? You talk about options your husband has - staying with you, marriage counselling, etc., but what do you want? I feel like you need to focus on your life and goals and let your husband do what he will. If his gf is planning a wedding and he ends up leaving her, so be it. But, what do you want?

[daddysgirl29]

Lost, my jaw in on the floor. I can't BELIEVE what he said to you and wanted you to feel sorry for him!! That is beyond comprehension. You are a strong lady and I hope you and your kids remain safe and secure though this mess. What did your kids say? I commend you for standing your ground on that one (and all of the issues!), and making HIM tell them why he's breaking up the family. Prayers coming your way.

-DG

p.s. changed the locks yet? He left on his own, after all.

[GettingFree]

Hey lost,

I'm glad you're feeling this resolve. However, like Anna says, ask yourself what you want. It sounds like you were ready to follow your husband's direction. Now that's he made a choice, it will still be a really important exercise to look inside yourself and ask, regardless of what he does, says, or chooses --- what do I really want?

Also -- and this is really important -- please be careful with your children. Children do not need to hear all the details of the breakdown of the parents' marriage. It can be harmful. Too much information can be very confusing to children -- they do not have a place to put it or know how to process it. They need to know just enough.

Please try and separate your wish to hurt and punish your husband from the needs of your children. Do they need to hear about adultery and girlfriends and lurid details? Chances are not.

I don't blame you for wanting your husband to take responsibility for the choice. He's done a lot of damage. Just be careful you don't add to the damage with your children with the rage you're feeling.

gf

[Live]

Keep posting, Lost, we are all with you. But just for the moment I am at a loss for words.

[Smyle]

my dad did this exact same thing to us 21 years ago and at 33 I still deal with alot of the emotional crap...I wish my mom would have kept us in the dark a little more than she did.
But she had a nervous breakdown and really couldn't hide too much. I was 13 when it happened. My father and I never had a relationship. he stayed with the woman he left us for and is still with her. He hates her and has tried to leave her too. he has tried to build a relationship with my brother and I . I talk to him some but certainly do not consider him my father. My step dad is ....and my brother gave me away at my wedding. Sorry you are going through this and I know it hurts, but it will get better...Do what is best for you and your kids...gets loads of alimony/child support...take the house whatever....START OVER !!!!!!!! My mom did and to this day she says it was the worst- best thing that ever happened to her. Good luck

[CarolD]

Super Hugs to a special lady...

[happyagain]

thanks again to everyone for all of your advice and support!!!!! i really need it!!!!! well the kids spent the day with my husband today, i was there too.....the got something to eat while i was at the doctors office then we all went to a movie...saw over the hedge.....it was hilarious....anyway......they were really happy to spend the time with him today and i am glad for that.......at this point all the kids know is that dad has left and he has moved in with his girlfriend.......i have always raised my kids with honesty....i guess it is because i was raised by parents who kept secrets....and when they came out bad things always happened....so although they don't know the particulars...the sorrid details if you will....they do know that their father chose to leave the house to go and live with another woman. i will admit though it was hard to see him today, for me that is.....as much as i don't want to i still love him, i have been married to him for 10 years and i just don't know how to turn off my emotions.....although i wish i did.....it would make this whole mess soooo much easier. instead all i can do is feel what i feel when i feel it.....deal with it as best as i can....and wait for the next round of emotion.....

i have decided although that i am going to get out as much as possible with the kids.....i'm hoping that will help....yesterday we went to the pool and we are going again tomorrow.....sat my husband will be coming over to spend the day with the kids, off to church on sunday...aa sat, mon, tues nights....therapists every tues am......i think i'm getting this figured out......well gotta go, my daughter wants to watch a movie with me....bye for now

[Anna]

Well Lost, this is definitely a time of transition for you.

Keeping busy and trying to keep in touch with your feelings are going to help you get through this. Of course it would make it easier if you could just stop loving him, but you can't do that. I think though, if you just keep moving forward each day, focusing on yourself and your children, that the pain will lessen as time goes by.