Male Delayed Orgasm Disorder

[Biker Cat]

Hi all. I have been lurking here for a few months now and have posted a few messages. I have tried to find a forum that would address this problem, but I guess I'll just start my own thread here.

My b/f of four years has this problem. He cannot ejaculate normally. He has been clean and sober for 20 years now so it's not drug or alcholic related. He can go for hours and hours. The ONLY way he can "***" is by oral sex. But this also takes like 5 to 10 minuets and to tell you the truth it's breaking my back! lol!!

I have surfed the web and found out that this is a male sexual disorder. It's not very common (unless drugs or alchol is involved.) I don't think that's it his plumbing either as he states he has always had this problem even from his teens. He is now in his early 40's. Just wondering if any of you have come across this problem and how do you handle it?

I try not to take it personnally, it just gets fustrating at times. He totally satisfies me and I just don't think lovemaking is complete until he is satisfied too. Know what I mean.

[Biker Cat]

Also if any guys are lurking and would like to pm me that would be fine! Thanks!

[51anna]

Hi Biker Cat,

Hopefully no guys are lurking here because the Women's forum is off limits to men!

I would strongly suggest that your b/f go and talk to his dr. I am sure that would be the best place to start.

[clancy]

You know what? this problem is a bunch more common than most people think. because guys are just so funny about doctors, and they dont talk like we do generally,its not well known. Stress is a big thing with it,stress and tiredness and anxiety.Id suggest you slooooow sex right down,go back to basics, starting with loving massage and not putting alot of importance on orgasm. Theres loads of good books on this subject!! If you can drag him to the dr for a once over that would be good, she may refer youboth to a therapist.But I think you can do alot do by yourselfs withthe help of a really good book. love to ya both clancxx

[namommy]

Hey Biker Cat,
Welcome to WIR. My husband goes forever too. In his case though I think it is a trained thing. He has really good self control, then it just takes him forever after that. I understand what you mean when you say it's not complete without him being satisfied also. That is one of the few problems we go through.

Although, with the recent heart attack and surgery and limited activities I don't think we'll be doing anything any time soon. (probably another reason I can't sleep).

[GettingFree]

Hi Biker Cat,

Have you talked with your bf about what his experience is like masturbating and if his difficulty with reaching orgasm is the same during masturbation?

If he reaches orgasm more easily with masturbation, this is something you might want to look at incorporating into your lovemaking. But more important, if this is the case, there probably is something worth looking at for him in therapy about his feelings about his sexuality and his relationships with women, etc. (Not a problem with YOU, but something he's carried from the time he began to form his sexual identity.) Feelings about our sexual identity can be so very complex and he'd hardly be alone in his search to sort it out.

just a thought,
gf

[Biker Cat]

Thanks for all your input. Yes when he masturbates it still takes an extremly long time also. And yes when I just can't "go' anymore he will masturbate while watching me masturbate until orgasm is achieved. He states that I bring him right to the edge and keep him there like "forever" and even when ejaculation doesn't occur he still has orgasm. From what I have read it probably is his own mental block or whatever hangup that causes this. Fear of pregnancy (though I do have birth control), fear of losing control, fear of giving me his "power" by giving me his "juice". The only exercise that I have read that may address this issue, is to do oral sex/masturbation until right before ejaculation and have him enter me. This should "condition" him to come inside me. Only thing is he loses the ejaculation when we try this. Oh well pratice makes perfect right? lol.