Yikeeeeees!

[clancy]

I just had the dermatologist on the phone and she told me that my 'freckle'
was in fact a melanoma!! She said it was the 'best' kind of melanoma to have, a 'melanoma in situ' which means apparently that it hasnt spread below the surface of the epidermis, and that they are pretty sure they removed it all. I have to go to a case conference in 6 weeks (yeah thats the NHS for ya) and the will decided whether to do further excision of my arm tissue. I hope not I have such little skinny arms.They would replace it with bum tissue! Sounds awful hope they dont want to do that.

Im really freaked and the first thing I feel like doing is going for the valium.justified in this case? no? I thought not.hmmmm. I feel really weird and freaky and mortal, cancer is something that happens to OTHERS.
Anyhow I guess ill be ok the dr said I had an execellent prognosis.she said its pracically 99% survival this early. Still feel freaked though.Would be grate ful if you would pray to your respective Gods for a good outcome.

[2stop]

awwww ((((((((((((clancy)))))))))))) that would be terribly frightening news.Bless your dear heart. So glad to hear the excellent prognosis though!! I would be like you though.....freaked out.....we do tend to think serious thing shappen to 'others'...............hugs and prayers coming your way.
Take good care of you alright?

[51anna]

That's too bad Clancy, but the outlook is really very good. And, it's not a bad thing to reminded that we're mortal. In fact, once in a while, an experience like that can help us to regain perspective and appreciate what we have.

I'll pray that the outcome of this is good and you don't need further surgery.

[Cap3]

My thoughts and prayers are with you,

[indigo]

The outcome sounds good sis keep positive.
hugs indie

[BigSis]

(((((Clancy))))) You got 'em.


Sounds like the docs know what they are doing. Glad you got this so early. Lots of prayers....

[Rowan]

Hey Clancy, so glad that you've been proactive and taking care of your health. Good for you! The prognosis sounds terrific, so try your best to stay positive. I know it's hard. God Bless.
Love Rowan

[clancy]

Thanks for your support girls it means alot. Right now im just so scared. I know there is no real reason to freak out, it was caught in time, but im depressed at the life style changes I will have to make,cant go out without sunblock constant mole examinations, waiting for the next one to pop up. I know that sometimes they appear in places you cant ever see so you cant catch them and it firghtens me to think of it.Im trying hard not too but its hard.I took some valium and some tramadol - shame on me - I just thought I have to get out of this head space NOW,imeadiatly, and I only know one way.
Im also worried sick that if they have to do major surgery, the painkiller of choice is tramadol!! about 200mg max! That wouldnt TOUCH me.I have to tell them about my addiction and then I will be treated with contempt.Boy you should see the vitriol UK nurses save for junkies.
I knowim ranting and sitting on the pitypot here (sorry) but sometimes...idunno you can keep it in, all your monsters and sometime they just burst out of the closet. Drugs is the only ammunition I know against those guys. I do tai chi and yogaand meditate...but nothing works like a bluey in the end. I just find when one thing goes wrong all my other worries comecrowding in. sorry for self pitying vent.xx

[2stop]

(((((((((((((clancy))))))))))))) Hang in there, ok? I know it's scary..I will keep you in my daily prayers and am sending huge hugs across the pond......it'll be okay...I know it probably doesn't feel like it though........when I was soo dependent on the drugs I thought just like you are saying now.if I have thisoor that they'll only give me that or those..my brain would scream with...'there's not enough dope to help me".and ya know what?...there wasn't ever .........enough to REALLY help...........always just enough to keep me chasing more.

I also thought pills were the ONLY thing I could take to have any sanity...so I certainly understand what you're saying............

more hugs comin your way Clanc.....take good care of yourself k?

[clancy]

You sure are right ther tammie,there is NEVER enough,you always want be high and despite enough stuff to kill most normal people...its just unsatisfying tickle to me.Hellish existence.I got do something.But im so scared of getting 'registered' as an addict, you cant get a loan,life assurance, a mortgage,let alone a job.It really is the kiss of death. you become persona non grata - nothing.I desperately want to be something!

[2stop]

dearest ((((((((clanc))))))))))....you ARE something! I know what you're saying about the stigma attached and all.....I know.....but you must put yoru well beung first.....I care about you very very much.please know you are always in my thoughts and prayers..............hang in there. I know it seems dark, and you fel cornered and defeated when it comes to even being able to THINK about coping without pills.........my husband used to get so mad at me..I had to be loaded with tons of dope to even sit and talk about recovery seriously at all..........I understand clanc....I really do........but I also know you CAN make it to the sober side...you really can........it's hard to let go of what is familiar.....even when the familiar is a negative force in our life. I clung to the thought that the pills would work better again.just had to keep popping em! It didn't work..........

((((((((((((Warmest, Comforting Hugs))))))))))