Whats wrong with me....and whats right with me

[PaperDolls]

Well - my sore throat is gone but I got a message from the Dr. office that my strep test came back negative. I'm still feeling crappy, just really run down and sort of "toxic". So, I called the Nurse and asked her to do some blood work. They are testing for mono, and my iron, and I asked them to do HIV. It's been a while since it's been tested. Boy, it's gonna be nice to wait around for that call. I just hope I start feeling better.

I feel like I'm worthless here at work, my mind is even tired. I slept all day yesterday, literally all day. I physically could not get myself out of bed yesterday. I could not stay awake. I know I haven't been eating enough lately. It takes too much work sometimes and I really don't have much of an appetite.

I've been feeling so much happier lately and now I feel down because of this crap. I wonder if it all in my head sometimes. Like, something always has to be going on. Grrrr!

I think it will take a few days before I hear anything about the tests. Sometimes, I just wish they would find something and diagnose me so I know there is actually something wrong with me. I wonder if people think I'm crazy sometimes.

~doll

[goffredo]

Hi Doll

I don't think you're crazy.

Thank you for your advice to my post yestarday.

Look after yourself, one day at a time.

love Jo

[Justme57]

Hi Doll, how ya going ?

You poor old thing, there is nothing worse than feeling like c rap, and not knowing why! I have been in some pain myself the last few days, and Doc isnt sure why, i have even been a bit " teary" which is very unlike me , neer mind, a drink wont make it any better. i havent become much better at managing the money either , ya know, i thought i would, but at least I dont worry about it so much as I used to, LOL

Good to see you PD, I hope you get good results from ya blood tests, will be thinking of you

HUGX
Lee

[PaperDolls]

Thanks for your responses Lee and Jo. It's nice to know someone is there.

Oh yeah - the money thing. Well, I seem to stress out more now because I'm trying to get it all in order. ya know?! Oh well. It will all work out. I know that. Thank goodness.

[PaperDolls]

Oh......forgot two things.

1. When I take one of those hydrocodone pills. I feel so good. Not like High or anything just really good. My mind seems clear, my body doesn't hurt, and I get a lot done. Should I be really concerned about that? I think I know what you will say, and I'm prepared to tell my Doc. I'm just thinking.....it really seems to help me.

2. I'm having a really, really bad hair day. I mean, it's like almost just complete bedhead. I would have worn a baseball cap if I could get away with it here at work. Eeeeeee!

[PaperDolls]

What's right with me?

1. I've learned to brutally honest with myself.
2. I don't have mono or HIV.
3. I love the support the SR gives.
4. I believe we can all do whatever we put our mind to.

~doll

[PaperDolls]

What's right with me today?

1. I've been sleeping very well the last two days. I find that if I take either one lunesta and one clonazopam OR two clonazopam's I sleep great and feel decent in the morning.
2. I keep thinking I'm going to get myself back to the gym but haven't gotten motivated enough yet.
3. I've lost about 13lbs and it feels great. I bought a new dress for my brother's wedding in a few weeks and I love it! I even went down a size!
4. Even with all the drama that has been going on around here for the last few days. SR is my saving grace. I don't mind the drama, it's going to happen with all of the different personalities around here. But hey, it's great to have such an array of different people. We all get great advice coming from people with different backgrounds etc. That's another thing that makes this place great.
5. Even though I may feel strongly about some issues I try not to get involved in any of the drama/arguments/fights around here. I like everyone here equally, even if I don't like your advice or opinions. I still like YOU and am here to give you support.
6. We're all here to support each other. Not judge each other. I think that's the last thing most of us need.

Hope you all have a splendid day!

Love,
doll

[Justme57]

Good Morning Doll! You sound quite upbeat today LOL

btw, how did you go re the hydros I have never taken meds, ( only cos booze worked LOL) so cant advise you , but I would think they would be a worry yes?

I am having a few health issues with a crush fracture of my spine , very painful OUCH! CAT scan yesterday, so we will see how it goes.

Take care Doll

HUGX
Lee

[PaperDolls]

Hi Lee -- yup I'm doing very good today. Thanks.

I'm sorry about your injury. A crush fracture of your spine! That's sounds painful! Are you on any pain meds? Concerned about it?

I'm still taking the hydrocodone (generic for Lortab). They give me energy. I know I shouldn't. I figure the Dr. won't refill them next time anyway. Then I'll be done with it. Next time I see him I'll tell him why I continued taking them even after my strep throat (that turned out not be strep, just very painful). May be there is a different combination of drugs I can take that will help me with energy. At one point he mentioned something about a drug for ADD. *shrug* We'll see.

I'm glad you're here. You've been a great friend to me here on SR.

~doll

[Justme57]

Yep Doll, I am taking Panadiene forte' for the pain, not sure what you call it over there, it is a combination of codiene and paracetamol. I only take it twice a day, cos while i am off work, I can rest and it is not too painful. i take 2 when i get up, and 2 when i go to bed. i am very scared of meds, cos my Mum was addicted to sleepers ect, and I never take anything .

I am glad your throat is better

HUGX
Lee

[PaperDolls]

Well I know what codine is but not paracetamol. May be like percocet (sp?). What I take has codine in it too.

I spoke to my dad (been sober for 30 something years, I think since 1970) about alkies taking meds. He thinks it's fine so long as you are taking them as prescribed and for a medical reason. I suppose he'd tell me to get the heck of of the hydros.

I think you'll be fine especially since you are very aware of what could happen. I hope you feel better soon. What happens after the CAT scan results? Surgery?

[Justme57]

OMG! I hope not Doll! I am the biggest scardy cat LOL

I will just wait and see, mind you , being an Alkie, i usually start at death and work backwards LOL

yep, I agree with ya dad, meds prescribed are the way to go, it even says in the Big Book, we go to others , for other problems.

Take care

HUGX
lee

[PaperDolls]

LOL! I'm a scaredy cat too! I'll be sending good thoughts your way. You'll be fine!

[PaperDolls]

Doesn't look right to me. Not me, not drunk!

I've got 5 months of sobriety today! Thank you to all of you at SR for your support. I could not have done it without you.

~doll

[Justme57]

Yaaaaaaaaaaaay! Congratulations PD!

HUGX
lee

[goffredo]

Congratulations PD, happy "birth day"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It works if you work it!!!!!!

Love Jo

[PaperDolls]

Thank you Jo! I hope thinks are well you for you and your partner.

Today:
What's right?
I'm in a great mood. Not very productive at work today but I love my job and my boss and I have such a great time working together.

What's wrong?
I just took my last hydro pill (3rd of the day). I called in a refill. Don't know if I'll get it. I'm expecting a call from the Doc's nurse. Should I tell her what's up? I've actually thought up some lies I could tell her! I can't believe myself.

Tonight:
I plan on taking it easy at home with my gf. Get to bed early and get some good sleep.

~doll

[goffredo]

Great to hear that PD, you're doing fantastically.

IMO, with regards to the pills, yes you need to tell your doctor/nurse. The fact that you thought to tell her lies is to get it your way and get the pills although you know this might develop into another addiction.

I believe recovery doesn't just mean not to take the substance, but to learn not to lie and speak the truth. Step 3 (AA/Alanon) says to make a decision to hand our lives and our will over to the care of god as we understand him.

I know you don't do the 12 steps programme, but I would say hand it over to your doc to advise you on what might be the best for you and he can only do that if you tell him the truth.

Love Jo

[PaperDolls]

Thank you Jo. Sometimes I need to hear this stuff even though I know what's the right thing to do, I just need to hear it from someone else.

~doll

[PaperDolls]

Even though it's Friday I'm a little grumpy and annoyed today. Annoyed with lots of stuff. I went to bed last night at 9am. All I took was one sleeping pill (the recommended dose) and I COULD NOT get out of bed this morning. I was late for work AGAIN. Pisses me off and I know my gf is getting annoyed. I don't even hear the alarm and don't remember hitting snooze. I'm getting really tired of it. Even more annoying is that I'm tired right now. I'd love to lie down and take a nap.

No hydro for me today. I know I need to get off of it but it feels harmless to me right now. I know that wrong but that's how I feel. I take 3 or 4 a day for energy and I get more done during the day. How that bad?

I know that answer to the last question but really, right now, today, I just don't care.

Take care of YOU.
~doll

[Justme57]

'Morning Doll

Have a great day. Tis saturday here, and I am off to a very "yuppy" meeting, lunch, and a visit to a VERY trendy upmarket , dogs apparel shop! LOL

HUGX
Lee

[PaperDolls]

Well, lots of people buy dog apparel. Especially yuppies! LOL

It's Friday here......not as good as Saturday but better than Wednesday.

I can't believe it -- my doc refilled my hydro again!

Wow!

Have a wonderful day Lee.

[PaperDolls]

I sort of wished the Nurse would have called to ask what was going on with me instead of the doc just filling the script. I know I'll keep taking it.

I'm feeling a little crappy today. I forgot to take my anti-depressant this morning and that always messes me up.

Hope you all have a great weekend. I'm outta here for now.

~doll

[PaperDolls]

I had a great weekend. My gf and I are getting along so well. We even talked about how great things are with us. We've been together for almost 8 years now and I am so lucky to have found her. She truly is my soul mate.

I'm still taking the hydro (lortab) pills. I've been eating better. I need to get myself back to the gym soon. I've lost about 14 pounds but it's stopped there, I need to get some muscle tone back. I should find a therapist too. It helps me keep my head straight (not literally ) although posting here almost everyday is sort of like therapy for me.

K - busy at work this week. Might not be around much.

Sending good thoughts to all of you.
~doll

[goffredo]

hi PD

Nice to hear from you. Have a good week.

Love Jo