Friends & Honesty - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Wendy · 01-29-2003, 05:34 AM

I am feeling hurt. I am part of a threesome of friends. We all used to be big partiers but they stopped & grew up (rarely drink) but I didn't.

I recently told one of them that I had entered intensive outpatient rehab this week & was feeling good about it. She said she was proud & that she & this other friend had discussed me and were worried about me. I think this is backstabbing. If you are worried about problems with me, say something to ME! She said they were talking out of concern (they have done this in the past), but I can't help thinking that it may not be a true friendship or they would come to me first. Something like this should not be talked about behind someone's back -- it's too serious.

This is not my first attempt at sobriety in 32 years. They have been aware of my attempts in the past so it wouldn't be as if they would be bringing it up for the first time.

I am hurt and I am confused!

Wendy

DolphinBlue · 01-29-2003, 10:04 AM

Hi Wendy,

I hear you on this one. Some people just don't or can't understand alcoholism, I have found that only another recovering alcoholic can. Some of my friends/family just gave up trying to talk to me about it...I didn't want to listen most of the time anyway.

I know you don't like AA and I'm sure you have your reasons - I had mine. For a while I had serious doubts about it all but knew I needed the understanding so kept going to meetings. Now I am starting to really like them and I never stop learning from these people.

Friends/family are still very important to me, but I have to remember to stop myself from investing too much in their understanding because it doesn't happen. I find I appreciate them more now when I leave my frustration out of it, it's more fun getting to know the person all over again - sober this time

Best wishes to you

myles1 · 01-29-2003, 12:32 PM

Hi Wendy,
I would take it that they were talking more out of concern for you then backstabbing. If it was backstabbing she wouldn't have told you about it.

When I was active I didn't want to hear people's opinions about my drinking so maybe ythey figured you wouldn't want to listen anyways.

Ngaire

01-29-2003, 05:34 AM	#1 (permalink)
Wendy Paused Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 41	Friends & Honesty I am feeling hurt. I am part of a threesome of friends. We all used to be big partiers but they stopped & grew up (rarely drink) but I didn't. I recently told one of them that I had entered intensive outpatient rehab this week & was feeling good about it. She said she was proud & that she & this other friend had discussed me and were worried about me. I think this is backstabbing. If you are worried about problems with me, say something to ME! She said they were talking out of concern (they have done this in the past), but I can't help thinking that it may not be a true friendship or they would come to me first. Something like this should not be talked about behind someone's back -- it's too serious. This is not my first attempt at sobriety in 32 years. They have been aware of my attempts in the past so it wouldn't be as if they would be bringing it up for the first time. I am hurt and I am confused! Wendy

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01-29-2003, 10:04 AM	#2 (permalink)
DolphinBlue Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Australia Posts: 622	Hi Wendy, I hear you on this one. Some people just don't or can't understand alcoholism, I have found that only another recovering alcoholic can. Some of my friends/family just gave up trying to talk to me about it...I didn't want to listen most of the time anyway. I know you don't like AA and I'm sure you have your reasons - I had mine. For a while I had serious doubts about it all but knew I needed the understanding so kept going to meetings. Now I am starting to really like them and I never stop learning from these people. Friends/family are still very important to me, but I have to remember to stop myself from investing too much in their understanding because it doesn't happen. I find I appreciate them more now when I leave my frustration out of it, it's more fun getting to know the person all over again - sober this time Best wishes to you

01-29-2003, 12:32 PM	#3 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	Hi Wendy, I would take it that they were talking more out of concern for you then backstabbing. If it was backstabbing she wouldn't have told you about it. When I was active I didn't want to hear people's opinions about my drinking so maybe ythey figured you wouldn't want to listen anyways. Ngaire

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